Category Archives: Parenting

Quit virtue signalling over the damn gorilla incident!

My news feed today was filled with news of Harambe – the 17-year-old male Western lowland Silverback gorilla who was fatally shot in an effort to save a little boy who had fallen into the animal’s enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo.

Some are screeching that the parents of the 3-year-old child should be held responsible for Harambe’s death. There’s even a Change.org petition that has garnered more than 100,000 signatures demanding the parents be charged with the animal’s death. Mourners held a vigil for the ape, #JusticeForHarambe was trending on social media, and in a stroke of sheer jackassery, some obtuse ignorami went as far as to claim the gorilla was shot because of white privilege.

Get a load at this retard.

BTW, the kid wasn’t white, according to press, so this Hood “Intellect” is also a bigot.

The gorilla was seen dragging the kid through the water by his leg. He looked agitated, and the crowds probably didn’t help the situation. Tranquilizing the animal would have probably taken a bit, especially with the adrenaline that was likely coursing through his body. In those precious seconds that child would likely have been killed.

Yes, it’s a tragedy. Yes, it sucks that the gorilla was killed, but as the zoo officials said, they had a tough decision to make and they made it.

At first, it looked like Harambe was trying to help the boy, O’Connor said. The gorilla stood him up and pulled up his pants. However, as the crowd’s clamors grew, Harambe tossed the boy into a corner of the moat and stood over him, O’Connor said. As the crowd’s cries grew, the video shows Harambe grabbing the boy by the foot, dragged him through the water and out of the moat atop the habitat, O’Connor said.

Yeah, sorry, but it’s no contest. A child’s life is worth more than a gorilla’s. This is a human life, we’re talking about, people!

apeThen you have the judgmental fuckwads who are virtue signalling all over the Internet about the lack of parental responsibility, and how the parents should be held accountable.

You’d charge a parent for leaving a child in a car alone. Why not hold them responsible for allowing a toddler into a gorilla enclosure.

I have to wonder if a) any of these dumbshitsauri have ever been to a zoo on a busy weekend and b) if they’ve ever had a toddler for any length of time.

These little buggers are slippery and quick. You look away for one second, and they can disappear quickly into a crowd. This is in no way the same as locking your kid in a hot car!

This was a tragic accident, but if you’re a parent, you know these incidents can happen only too easily. Sometimes it’s not due to human stupidity, but simple tragic circumstances outside anyone’s control. Anyone who has kids can tell you that.

So quit with the virtue signalling already. I know it gives your petty little ego a boost to vent your rage on the Internet to show what a concerned world citizen you are, but all you’re doing is showing yourself to be a world class douche.

A human life was saved. Be grateful, and quit shitposting your judgments.

It’s Tourist Season in the City

washington monumentAs much as we complain about DC – the metro issues, the draconian gun control laws, the insane cost of living – it’s actually a beautiful city, filled with history, incredible architecture, and beautiful nature. Sometimes I almost feel the need to hoard my city, because mine! I know the good places to eat and to take a walk. I know the coolest museums and monuments. I know the best angles to take the best photographs. MINE!

And yes, I fully realize this is America’s city. This is where national-level decisions are made. This is where the monuments commemorate our history – both tragic and rich. This is where people come to learn about this amazing nation called America and to pay their respects to her founding. I get it, and yet, I’m still filled with this sense of ownership.

At no time is that feeling of proprietorship more acute than when the tourists come flooding into town!

They clog the streets and metros.

They take photos of my place of employment, just when I’m leaving, forcing me to duck behind columns and hide my face, so I don’t wind up in their shots. It sometimes feels like they treat those of us who work here like monkeys in a zoo! “Oh, look! A person coming out of the building! How cool! Washingtonians in their natural habitat! Let’s take pictures!”

They stop in the middle of the sidewalk to take selfies, and walk into you because they’re too busy looking at their phone apps or their maps as they wander around.

It’s aggravating. The metro is more crowded than usual. The smell is sometimes unbearable, because you’re trapped body to body with hundreds of other, sometimes sweaty, unshowered people, who have no problem burping or farting on a crowded metro car, because dammit, better out than in!

blossomsI remember a few years back, having to do a briefing downtown at the peak of cherry blossom season. We took a car and parked on the street, so we could head to the Pentagon after we were finished with the brief. BIG MISTAKE! It took us an hour and a half to drive the less than three miles to the Pentagon that day! The streets were absolutely packed. It didn’t matter that the light had turned; the tourists just poured across intersections in literal hordes, blocking traffic, and causing irate drivers to lean on their horns!  It’s like they forgot that the little illuminated red hand means DON’T WALK, GOOBERS! We sat there through several light cycles until finally, we just started moving slowly toward these pedestrians walking across the street like the red light didn’t apply to them. You should have seen the surprised looks on their faces as they quickly dispersed!

Yeah, I hate tourist season.

I don’t hate tourists per se. They’re people just like you and me. That said, it’s like they lose their collective minds when they hit the streets of Washington, DC, because the power of stupid in large numbers is frightening. So, I’m going to hand out some free advice to those who decide to visit our fair city this year. Ready?

1 – STAND TO THE RIGHT, WALK TO THE LEFT! Seriously, this is the biggest reason why I fight the urge every day to mutilate at least a dozen people. Some of us are on our way to work. Some of us are in a hurry. If you’re not going to walk up or down the escalators, get the hell out of the way! Those of you from Europe know what I mean. If you’re not passing on the highways, you need to be in the right lane. Same principle here. Recognize that not everyone has the entire day to chill and explore. Some of us have jobs and are in a rush to get to them. Get. Out. Of. The. Way.

not the white house2 – Federal workers are not monkeys in a zoo! No, really. We’re not part of the scenery, and we’re not there for you to photograph. If you see one of them exiting a federal building – even one as pretty as the White House – realize they are people doing their jobs. They more than likely don’t want to be part of your trip memories, so have some respect for them, and stop taking their photos.

3 – Red means DON’T WALK! If the light turns red, ferpetessake STOP! Again, DC is full of people who actually work there! You clogging the crosswalks when your light turns red, and theirs turns green, is only delaying them from getting where they need to go. It’s rude. It’s disrespectful. Stop and wait your damn turn!

4 – Sotto Voce at Arlington, assholes! Arlington National Cemetery is the place where thousands of military heroes are buried. There are people mourning their loved ones who were lost in war. Have some damn respect. It’s not your family picnic. It’s a friggin cemetery!

5 – The memorials are not wading pools for your crotchfruit! I cannot tell you how many times I was horrified to see parents with their kids, splashing around in the World War II Memorial fountain, despite signs that clearly admonish them not to! It’s dedicated to Americans who served during the war – both in the military and as civilians. It honors those who died and recognizes our victory over tyranny. It is not a place for your kids to splash around. Have some damn respect!

bikes6 – Ferfuckssake, look up! There are people, cars, bikes, segues, horse-drawn carriages, and police with whom you’re sharing roads! We understand that it’s tough to navigate your way around the city, but please, look up to ensure you’re not walking into someone, forcing a biker to swerve out of your way, forcing another pedestrian to dodge your dumb ass, as you stumble about, trying to figure out where your iPhone map app is taking you, and violating admonishment #3.

DC is a busy city. There’s a ton of stuff to see and do. Don’t just stick to the usual spots. Venture out. Enjoy the Spy Museum, the Newseum, Chinatown, the Iwo Jima Memorial, and other neat areas. But for petessake, remember that people also live and work there, and have respect for their time and their homes, OK?

KTHXBAI!

 

Asking for Trouble

Remember my last blog post about the warped mommy with the breastfeeding exhibitionist kink?

Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking.

Mom enough?

OK, I have to say this.

MOM ENOUGH????

As a mom, I’m really kind of creeped out by this. Not that I don’t respect women who breastfeed. I do. There are very good reasons to do so.

It’s healthy.

It’s natural.

It’s easier for a baby to digest.

It’s a way to pass on antibodies.

I get it.

But when you have a kid who’s old enough to play little league, maybe – JUST MAYBE – that’s enough!

At that point, it’s no longer for the child. It’s for the mother.

It’s a way to keep a child attached and dependent on her.

It’s a way to boost the mother’s ego.

It’s an easy way out to quiet a fussy kid. He screams? Just shove a tit in his mouth!

It’s about the mother’s inability to let go and allow her child to develop and learn.

And for some mothers (yes, I know ones like this), it’s a way to avoid going back out into the world – a way to avoid working – a reason to stay at home. “Well, I can’t go out and get a job! My baby depends on me! I’m still breastfeeding!” Never mind, the kid is now taking karate lessons and going to school!

This chic attachment parenting bullshit has been making me crazy for years.

No, you don’t need to share your bed with your infant at night. He needs to learn to fall asleep on his own. He needs to develop a set schedule. And hell, you and your spouse/significant other need some damn time to yourselves as well. Trust me, you aren’t doing yourselves any favors by sharing your bed with your baby. Besides the risk of one of you rolling over and squishing him, you do need rest.

No, you don’t need to breastfeed a four-year old! He’s old enough to eat solid foods. He’s gotten about all he’s going to get out of your breast milk. At this point it’s about you, not about him!

Yes, you do need to allow your child to explore the world around him, without being constantly attached to you. That’s how they learn. That’s how they develop.

Yes, your precious punkin will survive if you don’t slather him in antibiotic gel and wrap him in bubble wrap! And no, you Munchhausen by Proxy-ridden hypochondriac – your kid isn’t fragile and sensitive to eggspeanutsglutenscornsyrupwhatevertheboogiemanofthedayhappenstobe, so stop treating him like he’ll break the moment he leaves your sight!

Seriously, folks. Some common sense please?

Yeah, I’m mom enough.

I am raising two intelligent, curious, courageous, independent, healthy children.

I’ve taught them common sense, logic, courtesy and personal responsibility.

Yes, I breastfed the Redhead, but I put him to bed when it was time, I set a schedule for him and I helped him become an independent human being.

Yes, I bonded with him. I sang him songs in a rocking chair at night before putting him in his bed. I played with him. I taught him how to do simple jigsaw puzzles when he was two years old.

But I didn’t force him to be dependent on me by keeping him attached to my breast until he could read.

I didn’t stroke my own ego by having a small human glued to me, vulnerable, with me as his security blanket and savior.

So yes, I’m mom enough.

An open letter to those who have a problem with Tommy Jordan’s parenting

First, a bit of background:

About a week ago, a guy named Tommy Jordan made a YouTube video to his daughter Hannah.

Apparently, Hanna had a bit of a problem with the chores she was asked to do, and posted her displeasure on Facebook, making a considerable effort to hide the whiny post from her parents.

Tommy Jordan is an IT professional, and there was no hiding the post, so when he saw it, he made a video just for her.

It would behoove you to watch this video, but should you decide not to, Tommy Jordan told Hannah exactly why her petulant, puerile complaint about having to provide a modicum of help around the house was invalid, why it was inappropriate, and why he was going to ground her.  He then proceeded to shoot her laptop with his .45.

The video went viral in mere days, with kudos pouring in from all over the country.

After all, it’s about time someone showed our entitled little brats that their possessions are not an entitlement, that they do have responsibilities to live up to and that as long as they live in their parents’ homes and their parents purchase their stuff, they have the right to ask them to help around the house.

Well, apparently, some people don’t think so.  According to a follow-up story, Tommy Jordan got a visit from the authorities, because some sniveling, interfering excuses for whining sub-human creatures decided to call the police and dispatch Child Protective Services to Mr. Jordan’s home.

The former Marine wrote on his Facebook page that Child Protective Services officials came to his home in Stanly Co. on Saturday and interviewed him and his daughter — separately — after viewers of the video called with concerns about his actions.

He said the police also stopped by.

“The police by the way said ‘Kudos, sir,’ ” Jordan wrote. “I actually had a “thank you” from an entire detectives squad. And another police officer is using it in a positive manner in his presentation for the school system. How’s about those apples? Didn’t expect THAT when you called the cops did you?”

Didn’t quite turn out as the blubbering shitslurpers hoped, now did it?

So here’s my open letter to them.

Dear Kvetching Malcontents –

It has come to my attention that you have soiled your collective diapers over Tommy Jordan’s video in which he shoots his defiant kid’s laptop. Some of you lost bowel and bladder control so severely, that you felt the need to contact the authorities and voice your whining displeasure at this man’s actions and demand that law enforcement and child protective services visit his home!

You. Are. What’s. Wrong. With. This. Society.

You don’t understand that as a parent he has a right to discipline his child.

You can’t comprehend that the disrespectful rant she posted on her Facebook is a slap in the face to the very people who make it possible for her to HAVE a Facebook account, let alone access to the Internet, a home, clothes, a cell phone and every other thing she possesses with their hard work.

You shit yourselves at the thought of a parent actually doing what’s right, because you’re either too stupid or too cowardly to do it yourselves.

Get this straight, you sanctimonious dildoes – kids need discipline. They need structure. And yes, sometimes they need to be shocked into remembering to be humble, grateful and responsible!

He is not her friend. He is her parent. He has an obligation to teach her right from wrong. And until she goes to work and earns her own way, he has the absolute right to take away anything he has given her.

You inadequate, miserable failures are the same types who insist that teachers never yell at your precious munchkins, even if they act like disrespectful assclowns in class.

You brainless maggots are the same types who demand that children not be allowed to fail in class, because it scars their little egos.

You unctuous fucknozzles are the ones who think your spawn’s feelings are more important than discipline, personal responsibility, hard work and achievements.

You. Are. The. Problem.

Obviously you pusillanimous jackholes can’t even stomach the sight of a gun, so you got piously appalled, and you called the police on this man, even though he did absolutely nothing illegal, and was well within his right to do so.

You wasted law enforcement time and resources forcing them to investigate a man who did exactly what a good parent should do. He taught his child a lesson – something to which you pathetic, petty losers are obviously oblivious.

I guarantee you one thing: this man’s daughter will grow up to be a responsible, hard-working, respectful human being.

If God and Goddess forbid you assnuggets ever breed, yours will grow up to be whining, self-entitled assholes who think the world owes them.

I know the kind of people I want in this world. So please do me a favor and take yourselves out of the gene pool. I have a rusty butter knife available for your use.

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