Category Archives: Military

Mike Webb: The Fappening

I first heard the name “Mike Webb” when he sent me a friend request on Facebook. I had no idea who this guy was, but we had Rob as a friend in common, so I asked whether he was safe to approve. At that point, Rob told me Mike was a “bit odd,” but a decent guy, and that he was running for the GOP nomination for Virginia’s 8th District to challenge incumbent Don Beyer.

Long story short, I approved the request.

A few weeks later, Rob told me that Webb was completely unhinged. He was sending out rambling, incoherent press releases, invoking his past military service, and spamming those with whom he didn’t agree with incomprehensible emails. Rob, who considered supporting Webb for the nomination, stepped back upon seeing the embarrassing spectacle he was making of himself, and told Webb exactly why he was not supporting him… as only Rob can.



Well, Webb wasn’t having none of that! Multiple emails, irrational and disjointed missives masquerading as press releases, social media posts, and froth-flecked attempts to call Rob out at local meetings later, and we realized that Webb was unhinged.

In addition to that, he showed up at campaign events wearing Army ACUs, looking much like a drunken hobo! He claims he’s a retired Army Major. He implies he was a Ranger, even though he was a legal clerk in a Ranger battalion. He claims he spent a 20 year career in the military and never deployed. Yeah, I believe that one. (I’ll let others post research on Webb’s alleged military career. Thank you Jonn and TAH.) And yet, Webb appears unaware and unfazed by the fact that it is against regulations for him to campaign in an Army uniform – even if he did remove the patches!

Retirees. Paragraph 30-3 of the above listed regulation gives full details. Army retirees may wear the Army uniform only for the following circumstances:

(1) Personnel performing instructor duties at an educational institution conducting courses of instruction approved by the Armed Forces (such as JROTC).

(2) While attending military funerals, memorial services, weddings, inaugurals, and other occasions of ceremony.

(3) Attending parades on national or state holidays, or other patriotic parades or ceremonies in which any active or reserve United States military unit is taking part.

For (2) and (3), above, only service and dress uniforms may be worn; the BDU and physical fitness uniforms will not be worn.

Wear of the Army uniform at any other time, or for any other purpose than stated above is prohibited.

Luckily this unbalanced nutbar got his ass handed to him at the 8th District convention last week, and his opponent Charles Hernick won the GOP nomination. Webb, then decided that God was somehow calling on him to continue his preposterous campaign, so he is now running for the 8th District Congressional seat as an Independent.

He has about as much chance of winning as my dog’s ass has of becoming a starfish model, but that’s beside the point.

This fappened yesterday.

Webb published a post on his campaign page Monday that included a screenshot of his computer desktop. And as it happened, Webb hadn’t bothered to close his pornography tabs when he took his screengrab.


Check open tabs for areas of concern!

Check open tabs for areas of concern!

A guy who was flogging his Christianity at every turn during what can only loosely be described as his “campaign” took a screen cap of his computer, and revealed his fapping material.

Worse yet, thousands of comments followed, the media picked up the story, including The Daily Caller, Gawker, the Telegraph, and NBC News, and Webb allowed the post to remain all day, as ridicule and consternation were heaped upon him.

In another faptastic follow-up post, Webb claimed he was only testing the porn sites for viruses. No, I’m serious.  In a now-deleted, multi-thousand word, rambling Facebook dispatch, Webb implied that Rob, Charles Hernick, and others were perhaps responsible for a computer virus that apparently kept him from filing his “campaign’s” finance report on time. I’m not sure if he thinks that my husband somehow sent him porn links rife with viruses or what. That part wasn’t clear, and both posts have finally been deleted, only to be replaced by this fapsurd horse fuckery.

Today’s notorious post reached almost 200,000 people. The succeeding post reached a little more than a tenth of that, and all through the viral infection of social media and word of mouth. And, I certainly received my share of “interesting” comments, but no more out of the ordinary than what I have received since beginning this quest. But, the truly amazing thing about today was that “I saw also the Lord, high and lifted up,” and I was very much moved by the love and support of those who expressed their encouragement and support, even some in the national and local press.

This is where the FAPTASTIC non-Ranger implies that he’s grateful for the love and support he’s received. The implication is that he’s thankful for his “buddies” giving him a reality check and keeping him in line. And if by “love and support” he means the numerous accusations of hypocrisy, and endless mockery and ridicule, sure!

The cluelessness is fapalicious! Webb obviously can’t recognize derision and disparagement when he encounters it, although some of the memes posted on his site should be crystal clear. Instead, he pretends the scorn doesn’t exist, and delusionally thanks his “buddies” for the check.


Not only does Webb use Yahoo! search in Google Chrome, which in and of itself is an unforgivable sin, but he actually believes the publicity for spanking the monkey to tight booty Pr0n while preaching Christian family values is good for his campaign!

One commenter about a half hour ago told me that I needed to hire a new social media director, and others earlier were concluding that the candidate declared DOA in his press debut before Christmas in the local press—six months before a Republican challenger ever gets picked up—today is toast for sure. But, when I read that post about the social media director, we were up 42 likes on Facebook, and I don’t know how many on Twitter. Just now, I looked at Facebook, again, and we are up 75, far outpacing my rival who defeated me with establishment support in the nomination convention.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with rubbing one out in the privacy of your own home. It’s none of my business what kind of sites you visit in your spare time, and whether you like fapping to “tight booty” or “sexy amateurs.”

But if you’re going to publicly flog your Christianity, and then come up with some lame excuse about doing “research” to see if porn sites contain viruses… or something vaguely incoherent like that… you’re going to get called on it. Hard (pun fully intended).

And if you do get caught with your paw in the cookie jar, so to speak, at least have the testicular fortitude to admit it!

Gosh, I can’t imagine why stereotypes exist!

People always tell us not to generalize. They always tell us that prejudice is a bad thing. Stereotypes are supposed to be a negative, because we’re all individuals with our own intellectual capacity to think, reason, and act.

But you know what? Stereotypes exist for a reason. They don’t just appear out of thin air. They usually exist because some very loud, very visible group exemplifies particular traits – not without outliers, mind you, but still…

H/T Terminal Lance

H/T Terminal Lance

A few years ago there was a dependapotomus who wrote a blog post complaining that the wives of National Guardsmen have no business calling themselves “Army wives.” If you didn’t know, a “dependapotamus” is a stereotype of a military wife – usually overweight, looking to cash in on her husband’s paycheck and PX and commissary privileges, shitting out scores of kids, and acting like her husband’s rank is her own by demanding the respect afforded to her spouse, even though the only thing she did to earn it was spend his paycheck and spread her legs.

(OK, I’ll post the disclaimer, because I’m sure to get a bunch of offended women screeching about how #notallmilitarywives. No, hardly all military wives fit that profile, but there obviously has been a sufficient amount of them who do, that the stereotype exists in the first place.)

Back to the aforementioned dependapotomus, however.

The precious spoiled princess took it upon herself to insult wives of National Guard Soldiers (and build herself up in the process) by claiming they weren’t “real Army,” because her “hubs,” deployed and still wore the uniform upon return, while those other guys went back to their civilian lives.

The blowback was epic and quick. She shuttered her blog after hundreds of comments – almost all of them negative – took her to task on her attitude of entitlement, and someone contacted the Vermont recruiting command where “hubs” worked, prompting a response that included some counseling time for “hubs.”

Dependapotomi – they may not be all fat and trailer trashy, but they do have a certain attitude in common.

This brings me to a post on ASMDSS – Awesome Shit my Drill Sergeant Says – a military humor site that recently received some hate mail from a dependapotomus that proves our point for us. If you wonder why stereotypes exist, you only have to look at this email in all it’s illiterate glory.

From: f*

Location: f*ck you

IM going to start these by saying i am a army wife with a bachlors degree in womens studies so i KNOW that you idiots are full of sh*t when you constantly bash women and army wifes for being lazy and fat? are you f*cking serious and yes we do serve as much as our husband we keep the homes in order and the kids safe while you get to go run around and play solider. its f*cking bullsh*t and its a full time job for us so get down off your hi horses and calm the f*ck down with that stupid sh*t it pisses me off. sometimes we get a little overweight from not having time to go to the gym and stuff but human anitomy shows that woman are supposed to have some fat. so shut the f*ck up and man up you stupid little boys. i could easy get a job if i wanted especially since i am a college graduate and hard worker but id rather not put my kids in day care and let someone else raise them. so go f*ck yourselfs and get off army wifes dicks! we are not f*cking dependas you men are! you dependa on us to take care of you the kids and the house. ok im done peace

Yep, I wonder why stereotypes exist… this is exactly what I would expect to read from someone with a degree in wymyns “studies.”

I do wonder what kind of college university would allow someone to graduate from their institution who has the written communication skills of a monkey on meth.

For the epic slapdown of this dependa’s communication skills, please do yourself a favor and read the rest.

But aside from all that, while I certainly don’t approve of bullying – whether in cyber space or in real life – once again, stereotypes exist for a reason. Reason such as this.

spouse 2


And this.

spouse 1

And maybe even this.

spouse 3


Now, as another disclaimer, I will admit that these photos could have been Photoshopped and the email could have been faked for humor purposes. That said, having lived on base as a single Soldier, and having experienced the phenomenon that is the military wife (and not necessarily the American-born type, either), out drinking and picking up REMF Jodie at the base club a few days after the spouse’s unit deployed, I can say once again that stereotypes exist for a reason.

Home Depot: Not all veterans are created equal

I’m not the type of person who goes around demanding a veteran discount everywhere I go. It’s not a thing for me. I generally feel funny even asking about a possible discount, because I’m fortunate enough not to rely on it. But some veterans do. Some aren’t lucky enough to have an amazing job that allows them not to be concerned with something as small as a military discount. Some must save every penny.

That said… if a place of business advertises it and markets itself as an enterprise that wants to thank veterans for their service by giving them a discount, I would certainly expect them to honor it. I did a little research, and I haven’t seen Home Depot’s corporate policy regarding veterans’ discounts. Guardian of Valor detailed Home Depot’s policy a couple of years ago after some veterans said Home Depot didn’t honor their discounts, so they contacted the company. They received the following reply.

In reference to your e-mail, effective March 2010 we began offering,
when asked, a year round 10% discount, up to a $500 maximum
no registration needed, to all active, reserve, retired or disabled
veterans and their family members with a valid military ID.All other
military veterans will qualify for a 10% discount in your area during
Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and Veterans’ Day .
This philosophy is consistent with our long standing price match
guarantee. Please note that The Home Depot will offer a 10% Military
discount up to $500.00 maximum no registration needed.

Eligibility for discount:

1. The discount is only for active, reserve, retired or
disabled veterans and their immediate (mother, father, brother, sister,
child) family members.

2. The discount is only available on in-stock and special
order merchandise and online purchases. To utilize the discount online,
please call the Online Customer Service team at 1-800-430-3376.

3. This discount is not available for Installation Services
or for Deliveries (store and Service Provider).

4. The discount is only available on the day of purchase –
customers cannot get discount on a previous purchase
Customers must have one of the valid IDs listed below for year round discount:

  1. Active Duty Military ID card with a picture.
  2. A retired Military ID card with a picture.
  3. VA Card (Department of Veterans Affairs) – MUST have the
    words SERVICE CONNECTED under picture.
  4. Active Military and Retired Military ID card for

A retired veteran must have qualified and gone through retirement with
the Military. Disabled Veterans should have a Veteran’s Identification
Card (VIC) that is given to them from the Department of Veteran’s
Affairs. The VIC and their Driver’s License should be sufficient
identification to get the everyday Military Discount.

The Home Depot is dedicated to supporting and honoring our men and women
in uniform through our business practices, recruitment efforts and
corporate contributions. We offer this discount to thank them for their
outstanding service to this nation and to help make their homes more
comfortable and safe.

The Home Depot appreciates your business and would like you to continue
to rely on us for your home improvement needs.

OK, fair enough. They are a business, and they certainly should be able to decide to whom they give a discount, if at all. I have no problem with this.

Here’s the deal, though. Let’s say you go to a particular Home Depot for years. Let’s also say you are a veteran who hasn’t retired, but who served his or her country with honor for several years. Let’s say the store kindly gave you a discount every time you have gone there and presented your VA card. And let’s say one day, you come in, and the store tells you that your service was no longer good enough to receive a discount, and that after years of giving you a discount, they’ve decided to follow their policy and deny you the discount you have been receiving all along.

This is exactly what happened to a friend of mine at the Home Depot in West Wichita, Kansas. He writes:

Here’s what I love about America. Freedom to take my business where I want. I’ve been going to Home Depot for years and getting 10% off with my VA military ID card, whenever I remember to mention it. Today, I was told that it wasn’t enough proof that I was a veteran by the cashier. I asked to speak to the manager and he showed me a corporate statement that said only veterans with 20 years or with a service-related disability would be allowed the 10% discount. I said that was unfortunate, since there were tens of thousands of veterans waiting for care at VA. I was doing ok with this whole thing…until the manager said “You can’t just do four years any more and get a discount.” (emphasis mine) I asked him how many years he had served and he said none. So I said “a guy or gal can serve four years active duty, do at least two tours in Iraq or Afghanistan, and that’s not good enough for Home Depot to show their gratitude with 10% off?” Answer? “No.” I said, really gritting my teeth now but keeping my voice calm, that I would never shop at Home Depot again. I would be taking my business anywhere else than Home Depot. He said that was my choice. I said yes, yes it was. It was corporate Home Depot’s choice to narrow who gets a discount at their stores, so my choice will be to make sure they never, ever see a thin dime from me again.

home depotThis is not about entitlement, folks. No one is entitled to free stuff at anyone else’s expense, unless they freely choose to give it. This is about more than that.

There are several issues at play here.

1) My friend was happy to just let it be, until the manager, who had apparently never served a day in his life, took it upon himself to disparage my friend’s service.

“Just do four years…” Really, dickhead? Service members have gotten deployed, maimed, and killed in less time than that! Getting blown up or shot takes just a few seconds, and the enemy doesn’t give a damn whether you’re on your first enlistment or fourth!

2) Why is it that someone with four, eight, or even 12 years of service is somehow not good enough for Home Depot to offer a discount?

Did they not sacrifice enough? Were multiple deployments, time away from families, loneliness, and in some cases grief at the loss of a significant other, who just couldn’t take the separation, not enough of a sacrifice?

3) Consistency. If you’re going to honor a veteran’s service for years, then at the very least be polite, honor it this time, but politely inform them that the store has applied the discount policy incorrectly, and that in the future, they will have to pay full price. Certainly don’t have a manager tell them that their service wasn’t good enough!

Common courtesy. Look it up. I’m fairly sure that my friend would have simply thanked the manager and gone on his merry way. Maybe he would have made the decision to return to this Home Depot store, and maybe not. We really are free to make that choice.

But I can guarantee you, that after having his service degraded by this sniveling ass weasel, who admits to never having taken the oath, never have made the sacrifice, let alone ever deployed, my buddy will not be coming back to this Home Depot or any other.

And neither will the many veterans who read this blog.

No one is entitled to a discount. But everyone should receive a modicum of courtesy and not have their military service belittled by a snotty jerk, who barely knows the meaning of customer service.

For future reference, Home Depot, some service members make the military a career. Others leave after a few years for various reasons – everything from family, to medical, to employment. That does not mean their service should be any less appreciated and any less honored.

As for your store manager in West Wichita, Kansas…

You may want to teach him how to not be a dick.


Another day, another pathetic excuse by Bowe Bergdahl about why he abandoned his unit in Afghanistan and cost lives and resources. This time, the swine fucking dildo claims in documents released by his defense attorneys that he abandoned his buddies and deserted his unit because he was sacrificing himself for the good of his fellow Soldiers.

I. Shit. You. Not.

Bergdahl told a general who investigated the case that he hoped to cause an alarm by leaving his post, then walk to a larger base in Afghanistan so he could have an audience with a top commander.

“So, the idea was to — it was— literally, it was a sacrificial — it was a self-sacrifice thing,” Bergdahl said, according to the transcript of a 2014 interview with Maj. Gen. Kenneth Dahl.


He ruled out going to the media and instead decided to trigger an alarm by sneaking off and then walking to a larger base nearby. He described his thought process, referring to himself in the third-person: “That guy disappears. No one knows what happened to him. That call goes out. It hits every command. Everybody goes, what has happened?”

Within a couple days, he planned to show up at the base: “the Soldier shows up … People recognize him. They ID him. They go, ‘What did you just do?’ And that Soldier says, ‘I am not saying anything about what I did until I am talking to a general.’ “

This turd-gobbling crotch jockey is either dumber than the proverbial bag of hammers, or he’s hoping for some kind of insanity defense!

This dick weasel is actually claiming that he deserted his unit to draw attention to problems only he apparently knew how to solve, because he was oh so brilliant! Great plan, shit-for-brains!

Seriously, he wouldn’t know the meaning of “self sacrifice” if it came up to him and nibbled his tiny little ballsack!

Self sacrifice is Medal of Honor recipient Marine Cpl. Kyle Carpenter throwing himself on a grenade to save his buddy’s life.

Self sacrifice is Cpt. Florent A. Groberg rushing a suicide bomber in Afghanistan in 2012, and saving numerous Afghan and American lives at the cost of losing his own.

Self sacrifice is all those guys spending time looking for Bergdahl’s worthless ass and getting hurt in the process.

Self sacrifice is Army Sgt. 1st Class Leroy Petry losing his hand while throwing a grenade away from two other Soldiers.

These are stories of self sacrifice.

If you're ever in doubt of Bergdahl's guilt, just remember this photo.

If you’re ever in doubt of Bergdahl’s guilt, just remember this photo.

Bergdahl walking away from his unit, because he apparently knew better than his leadership how to run the mission is the height of selfish and stupid. Bergdahl hanging out with his Haqqani chums, playing soccer and helping them murder his fellow Soldiers is treachery.

No one is buying it, dildo. Shut your piehole, you cowardly piece of shit.

Here’s hoping for a guilty verdict.


No, they will not obey illegal orders! (UPDATED)

I was forced, against my will, to watch the GOP debate last night. I’m over the whole thing, frankly. Same insults, same platitudes, same canned speeches… I know what the candidates stand for, and I’m sick and tired of hearing them repeat themselves. But Rob wanted to watch, and Scandal wasn’t on, so…

Last night’s debate featured a couple of firsts.

I’m pretty sure no presidential candidate in history has ever referenced his dick during a televised debate. Until last night…

I’m pretty sure the Hairy Hemorrhoid™ never actually admitted to flip-flopping, until last night, that is. Kudos to Megyn Kelly, Bret Baier, and Chris Wallace for not letting him get away with his usual bucket of porcupine dung, and following up with tough questions and video of his flip-floppery, which made him stammer and stutter, and finally admit to… uh… evolving on the issues.

I’m fairly sure his frothing supporters, who previously yelled and screamed about the evolution of President Obama’s views on gay marriage, will give the Hairy Hemorrhoid™ a pass on his waffling, because MAKING AMERICA GREAT AGAIN! And PENIS! Or something…

All joking aside, there is something serious that happened at the debate last night that we need to discuss. I’m going to quote the debate transcript here, because it’s critical that readers understand exactly how dangerous and incompetent, as well as deluded about his own power and authority Trump is.

BAIER: Mr. Trump, just yesterday, almost 100 foreign policy experts signed on to an open letter refusing to support you, saying your embracing expansive use of torture is inexcusable. General Michael Hayden, former CIA director, NSA director, and other experts have said that when you asked the U.S. military to carry out some of your campaign promises, specifically targeting terrorists’ families, and also the use of interrogation methods more extreme than waterboarding, the military will refuse because they’ve been trained to turn down and refuse illegal orders.

So what would you do, as commander-in-chief, if the U.S. military refused to carry out those orders?

TRUMP: They won’t refuse. They’re not going to refuse me. Believe me.

BAIER: But they’re illegal.


TRUMP: And — and — and — I’m a leader. I’m a leader. I’ve always been a leader. I’ve never had any problem leading people. If I say do it, they’re going to do it. That’s what leadership is all about.

BAIER: Even targeting terrorists’ families?

TRUMP: Well, look, you know, when a family flies into the World Trade Center, a man flies into the World Trade Center, and his family gets sent back to where they were going — and I think most of you know where they went — and, by the way, it wasn’t Iraq — but they went back to a certain territory, they knew what was happening. The wife knew exactly what was happening.

They left two days early, with respect to the World Trade Center, and they went back to where they went, and they watched their husband on television flying into the World Trade Center, flying into the Pentagon, and probably trying to fly into the White House, except we had some very, very brave souls on that third plane. All right?

This is sick, deranged, and misinformed. This is a person who is vying for the most important political position in the world, who wants to be the Commander-in-Chief of our military, and who unequivocally told the audience in a nationally televised debate that the military will follow his UNLAWFUL orders, because he’s such a great leader!

And then I grabbed her tits and made this honking sound, alright?

And then I grabbed her tits and made this honking sound, alright?

And no, targeting civilians, even if they’re related to terrorists, is not a lawful order.

It is an order that is very much illegal, considering possibly having knowledge of a terrorist act is not an offense punishable by death in any civilized country.

And it is an order members of the military will not follow.

The UCMJ states very specifically that members of the military must follow lawful orders.

I remember very clearly sitting in the bay in Basic Training and discussing lawful versus unlawful orders. I remember the Drill Sergeants specifically telling us that not only must we refuse to obey an unlawful order, but we could be legally prosecuted for doing so! I would say murdering civilians kind of qualifies.

The “I was only following orders” defense didn’t work for Nazi assholes, and they won’t work in this country either.

So, no.

He can bloviate all he wants, but the vast majority of service members will give him the finger when instructed to kill civilians just for the fuck of it.

My friend and fellow veteran Danielle has more.

The targeting of civilians is a no-no Mr. Trump. Your blustering about what you would command our military to do, will not translate into actionable orders. You cannot walk around and command Soldiers, Marines, Sailors, Airmen, and our Coast Guard, to willfully kill the family members of terrorists. You may think it sounds good with your followers, but IT IS NOT! You would be putting the morals of our military in jeopardy with this type of showing off for the cameras.

Our military members are a proud and honorable group of men and women! Men and women who are willing to give their all! We are not a bunch of mindless drones, that cannot think for ourselves! If you are elected to the presidency, you will have a moral obligation to protect their integrity, the code of conduct, and their moral compass!

I don’t think Trump actually understands the concept of integrity and doesn’t have much of a moral compass, but I get why Danielle is pissed.

The military is not a bunch of weapons Trump’s agenda.

They do not exist to prop up Trump’s situational ignorance.

Any contention that they would simply shut up and follow unlawful and downright savage orders is offensive to every honorable troop who has fought and died to protect and defend the United States.

Fuck you, Hemorrhoid. It ain’t happening!

UPDATE: Apparently, the backlash was a bit much. 


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