My news feed today was filled with news of Harambe – the 17-year-old male Western lowland Silverback gorilla who was fatally shot in an effort to save a little boy who had fallen into the animal’s enclosure at the Cincinnati Zoo.
Some are screeching that the parents of the 3-year-old child should be held responsible for Harambe’s death. There’s even a Change.org petition that has garnered more than 100,000 signatures demanding the parents be charged with the animal’s death. Mourners held a vigil for the ape, #JusticeForHarambe was trending on social media, and in a stroke of sheer jackassery, some obtuse ignorami went as far as to claim the gorilla was shot because of white privilege.
Get a load at this retard.
Killing an endangered gorilla at a zoo for a white boy’s safety is white privilege. If the boy was black they would’ve found a tranquilizer.
— Hood Intellect (@NelsonEmpowered) May 29, 2016
BTW, the kid wasn’t white, according to press, so this Hood “Intellect” is also a bigot.
The gorilla was seen dragging the kid through the water by his leg. He looked agitated, and the crowds probably didn’t help the situation. Tranquilizing the animal would have probably taken a bit, especially with the adrenaline that was likely coursing through his body. In those precious seconds that child would likely have been killed.
Yes, it’s a tragedy. Yes, it sucks that the gorilla was killed, but as the zoo officials said, they had a tough decision to make and they made it.
At first, it looked like Harambe was trying to help the boy, O’Connor said. The gorilla stood him up and pulled up his pants. However, as the crowd’s clamors grew, Harambe tossed the boy into a corner of the moat and stood over him, O’Connor said. As the crowd’s cries grew, the video shows Harambe grabbing the boy by the foot, dragged him through the water and out of the moat atop the habitat, O’Connor said.
Yeah, sorry, but it’s no contest. A child’s life is worth more than a gorilla’s. This is a human life, we’re talking about, people!
Then you have the judgmental fuckwads who are virtue signalling all over the Internet about the lack of parental responsibility, and how the parents should be held accountable.
You’d charge a parent for leaving a child in a car alone. Why not hold them responsible for allowing a toddler into a gorilla enclosure.
I have to wonder if a) any of these dumbshitsauri have ever been to a zoo on a busy weekend and b) if they’ve ever had a toddler for any length of time.
These little buggers are slippery and quick. You look away for one second, and they can disappear quickly into a crowd. This is in no way the same as locking your kid in a hot car!
This was a tragic accident, but if you’re a parent, you know these incidents can happen only too easily. Sometimes it’s not due to human stupidity, but simple tragic circumstances outside anyone’s control. Anyone who has kids can tell you that.
So quit with the virtue signalling already. I know it gives your petty little ego a boost to vent your rage on the Internet to show what a concerned world citizen you are, but all you’re doing is showing yourself to be a world class douche.
A human life was saved. Be grateful, and quit shitposting your judgments.
Submitted without comment, because HOLY WELL-USED ENEMA, BATMAN! This douchenugget doesn’t even understand that he’s being nationally ridiculed!
One has to wonder how – after supposedly a couple of decades in the military – Congressional candidate “Fappin'” Mike Webb hasn’t learned the first rule of holes. After all, if one is caught doing something silly or embarrassing, logic would dictate one would not want to bring additional attention to said event, but rather shrug it off and move on.
The appropriate response to the faptastic fiasco of the pr0n tabs would have been, “Yep, I watch pr0n and spank my monkey. So does the majority of you dimwits. I should have learned to crop my screen caps, but hey, we all make mistakes. Moving on…”
Mike Webb is never one to admit defeat, take responsibility for his actions, or give up the fight.
First, he allowed the pr0n tab post to remain on his official (if you can call it that) Congressional campaign page for at least seven hours, allowing thousands of comments to accumulate.
Then, he followed up that fappery with a 2000+ word screed, claiming he was merely testing the pr0n sites for viruses and somehow implying that my husband Rob, the GOP nominee for the 8th District Congressional seat, and some other party leaders in the county were responsible for the viral load (pun intended) on his computer.
Then, he gave the Internet a virtual slug in the shoulder, delusionally thanking it for the “love and support,” as if the netizens were merely doing a buddy check, and all was clear! And in typical Webb style, the rambling included a bunch of Bible verses and a mindnumbingly weird allusion to leadership, implying that somehow he was one.
Lessons affirmed today include that we do expect our leaders to be examples of our highest ideals, but also, as we have seen for almost a year in non-traditional length posts, people are interested and motivated by truth and substance, not flash or even scandal.
Given the thousands of comments mocking and ridiculing his rambling screeds and his inability to admit anything was wrong, I find this particularly amusing. No one is your “Ranger buddy,” Mike.
But if you think the lunacy ended there, you’d be mistaken. Webb finally removed the first two rambling posts overnight, in an apparent attempt to calm the storm and divert attention to his wholly unprofessional behavior. But instead of letting a sleeping bear lie, he proceeded to post yet another 600-word screed filled with wild ramblings, accusations, and innuendo, claiming that the posts were removed due to comments others made!
That’s right, boys and girls! Webb didn’t remove the embarrassing posts. Facebook removed them, because others were making inappropriate comments! Nope, not him at all!
I don’t know if you were searching this morning for the notorious post that has now nominated me as Tab Webb, I was just as confused when I signed on this morning and found our page suspended pending approval for deletion of a the notorious post, not for the content of two tabs you needed a magnifying glass to see, but because of the comments from critics that failed to observe the social media guidelines. “See how dirty you are?”
Move along. Nothing to see here. Webb is innocent. He innocently had thousands of viruses on his computer that apparently prevented him from following FEC regulations. He innocently opened pornographic sites, because he was curious whether the 4000+ viruses could have come from those sites (here’s a clue, dude: your porn habit compromised your system). He innocently posted the open tabs, and everyone else simply assumed he was a porn freak! He’s innocent!
And in addition to all that, according to yet another incoherent missive posted last night, porn is OK. Not for him, mind you, but OK. He doesn’t believe in imposing his faith on others, so he’s OK with you fapping and would never try to use government force to prevent your fappage. Honest.
So, again, as a preacher’s son, my best guess is that that Lord would prefer that we abstain, but we are a country that champions the freedom of the individual to exercise his or her choice.
And, as an aspirant to public office, my “Lord” has to be that rule of law, even if, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”
I actually happen to agree with Fappin Mike here. The government has no business sticking its proboscis into your spanking habits. What you do in the privacy of your own home is between you, your family, and your deity of choice, unless that habit somehow violates others’ rights or facilitates harm to others.
But my agreement is quite beside the point here.
This strikes me as the latest red herring in a string that would make the Fallacy Ref cringe.
The problem is not your spanking habits, Webb. The issue is not whether or not you surf porn. Most of us don’t give a crap that you like “sexy amateurs” or “tight booty.” The issue is that you attacked someone you considered a political adversary with a screen cap that unprofessionally left your very private habits on display for the world to see. And I do mean “the world,” judging by the overseas coverage your stupidity has caused. And then, instead of taking responsibility for the screw-up, removing the post quickly, and moving on, you proceeded to make excuses, hurl accusations, blame others, and continued digging the hole, despite it being painfully apparent to anyone reading your incoherent spew that you screwed up. Hard (pun intended).
You keep flogging your alleged “leadership” attributes and honesty. You end nearly every missive with “I am Mike Webb, and I am running for U.S. Congress. Honest.”
You are not honest, and you are not a leader.
An honest man would admit his error, apologize for the lack of professional behavior, and move on.
A leader would not try to blame others or make baseless implications about those whom he considers adversaries, but would take responsibility for his own actions.
An honest man would admit to having foibles.
A leader would learn from his mistakes.
An honest man would be realistic about what his diversions, obfuscations, and ridiculous lies have done to his reputation and political career and would try to fix those, instead of denying, dissimulating, and deceiving people about something that is ultimately just a stupid mistake.
But Mike Webb is none of the above, which is why he continues to ignore the first rule of holes.
I first heard the name “Mike Webb” when he sent me a friend request on Facebook. I had no idea who this guy was, but we had Rob as a friend in common, so I asked whether he was safe to approve. At that point, Rob told me Mike was a “bit odd,” but a decent guy, and that he was running for the GOP nomination for Virginia’s 8th District to challenge incumbent Don Beyer.
Long story short, I approved the request.
A few weeks later, Rob told me that Webb was completely unhinged. He was sending out rambling, incoherent press releases, invoking his past military service, and spamming those with whom he didn’t agree with incomprehensible emails. Rob, who considered supporting Webb for the nomination, stepped back upon seeing the embarrassing spectacle he was making of himself, and told Webb exactly why he was not supporting him… as only Rob can.
Well, Webb wasn’t having none of that! Multiple emails, irrational and disjointed missives masquerading as press releases, social media posts, and froth-flecked attempts to call Rob out at local meetings later, and we realized that Webb was unhinged.
In addition to that, he showed up at campaign events wearing Army ACUs, looking much like a drunken hobo! He claims he’s a retired Army Major. He implies he was a Ranger, even though he was a legal clerk in a Ranger battalion. He claims he spent a 20 year career in the military and never deployed. Yeah, I believe that one. (I’ll let others post research on Webb’s alleged military career. Thank you Jonn and TAH.) And yet, Webb appears unaware and unfazed by the fact that it is against regulations for him to campaign in an Army uniform – even if he did remove the patches!
Retirees. Paragraph 30-3 of the above listed regulation gives full details. Army retirees may wear the Army uniform only for the following circumstances:
(1) Personnel performing instructor duties at an educational institution conducting courses of instruction approved by the Armed Forces (such as JROTC).
(2) While attending military funerals, memorial services, weddings, inaugurals, and other occasions of ceremony.
(3) Attending parades on national or state holidays, or other patriotic parades or ceremonies in which any active or reserve United States military unit is taking part.
For (2) and (3), above, only service and dress uniforms may be worn; the BDU and physical fitness uniforms will not be worn.
Wear of the Army uniform at any other time, or for any other purpose than stated above is prohibited.
Luckily this unbalanced nutbar got his ass handed to him at the 8th District convention last week, and his opponent Charles Hernick won the GOP nomination. Webb, then decided that God was somehow calling on him to continue his preposterous campaign, so he is now running for the 8th District Congressional seat as an Independent.
He has about as much chance of winning as my dog’s ass has of becoming a starfish model, but that’s beside the point.
This fappened yesterday.
Webb published a post on his campaign page Monday that included a screenshot of his computer desktop. And as it happened, Webb hadn’t bothered to close his pornography tabs when he took his screengrab.
A guy who was flogging his Christianity at every turn during what can only loosely be described as his “campaign” took a screen cap of his computer, and revealed his fapping material.
Worse yet, thousands of comments followed, the media picked up the story, including The Daily Caller, Gawker, the Telegraph, and NBC News, and Webb allowed the post to remain all day, as ridicule and consternation were heaped upon him.
In another faptastic follow-up post, Webb claimed he was only testing the porn sites for viruses. No, I’m serious. In a now-deleted, multi-thousand word, rambling Facebook dispatch, Webb implied that Rob, Charles Hernick, and others were perhaps responsible for a computer virus that apparently kept him from filing his “campaign’s” finance report on time. I’m not sure if he thinks that my husband somehow sent him porn links rife with viruses or what. That part wasn’t clear, and both posts have finally been deleted, only to be replaced by this fapsurd horse fuckery.
Today’s notorious post reached almost 200,000 people. The succeeding post reached a little more than a tenth of that, and all through the viral infection of social media and word of mouth. And, I certainly received my share of “interesting” comments, but no more out of the ordinary than what I have received since beginning this quest. But, the truly amazing thing about today was that “I saw also the Lord, high and lifted up,” and I was very much moved by the love and support of those who expressed their encouragement and support, even some in the national and local press.
This is where the FAPTASTIC non-Ranger implies that he’s grateful for the love and support he’s received. The implication is that he’s thankful for his “buddies” giving him a reality check and keeping him in line. And if by “love and support” he means the numerous accusations of hypocrisy, and endless mockery and ridicule, sure!
The cluelessness is fapalicious! Webb obviously can’t recognize derision and disparagement when he encounters it, although some of the memes posted on his site should be crystal clear. Instead, he pretends the scorn doesn’t exist, and delusionally thanks his “buddies” for the check.
Not only does Webb use Yahoo! search in Google Chrome, which in and of itself is an unforgivable sin, but he actually believes the publicity for spanking the monkey to tight booty Pr0n while preaching Christian family values is good for his campaign!
One commenter about a half hour ago told me that I needed to hire a new social media director, and others earlier were concluding that the candidate declared DOA in his press debut before Christmas in the local press—six months before a Republican challenger ever gets picked up—today is toast for sure. But, when I read that post about the social media director, we were up 42 likes on Facebook, and I don’t know how many on Twitter. Just now, I looked at Facebook, again, and we are up 75, far outpacing my rival who defeated me with establishment support in the nomination convention.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong with rubbing one out in the privacy of your own home. It’s none of my business what kind of sites you visit in your spare time, and whether you like fapping to “tight booty” or “sexy amateurs.”
But if you’re going to publicly flog your Christianity, and then come up with some lame excuse about doing “research” to see if porn sites contain viruses… or something vaguely incoherent like that… you’re going to get called on it. Hard (pun fully intended).
And if you do get caught with your paw in the cookie jar, so to speak, at least have the testicular fortitude to admit it!
This is the kind of ignorant trailer trash supports the Hairy Hemorrhoid™.
Ted Cruz speaks calmly and rationally. Rude, ignorant, toothless, smirking garbage Trump supporters hoot, holler, scream, and hurl insults like chimps tossing shit.
Congrats, Trump supporters! You have once again shown yourselves to be complete and utter fucking retards – boorish, abrasive, barely coherent, screeching hyenas (no insult intended to hyenas).