Bateman gets chapped labia

13 Comments

I know I’ve been away for a while. I wanted to step away from the 2014 election and let things cool off a little. To say I have little faith in the GOP and its ability to accomplish anything of actual value to this country is an understatement. Although, I will admit that the teeth-gnashing, hand-wringing, spin-filled reaction from the butthurt Democrat camp was amusing to watch, as they tried to make excuses for their significant losses – everything from the DERP-filled “VOTERS WERE DISENFRANCHISED!” to “WE MADE #GUNSENSE PROGRESS!” to “REPUBLICANS ARE POOPY HEADS AND THIS ELECTION DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING.”

I admit it. I laughed.

I always like a good chuckle, especially when the now-infamous, violence planner, oath-breaking coward LTC (ret.) Robert (mastur)Bateman pens another angst-filled screed about the evils of guns, the evils of the NRA, and the evils of Second Amendment advocates. Because RIGHTS BAD!

What has Bob’s panties all bunched up in his puckered anus this time? Apparently, someone had the unmitigated gall to exercise their Second Amendment rights in his presence!

And because Bob considers himself an authority on what the citizens of this country, whose Constitution he swore an oath to defend, need and what rights they should be allowed to exercise, he took a wet, nervous dump in his Underoos when he saw a guy open carrying his pistol.

I’m not going to fisk his sniveling treatise, because a) I have no time to address gun banner monkey turd flinging not based in any fact and 2) I don’t want to give (mastur)Bateman more attention than he deserves. So I’m merely going to give you his bottom line, which consists of whimpering that no one needs a gun in a family restaurant (as if a paunchy, half-literate, retired, attention-whoring O-5 is somehow a viable arbiter for anyone’s needs) and a plaintive whimper about America’s “gun culture” and how it (the culture – not criminals, or negligence) kills or wounds something like 100 thousand Americans (without acknowledging that deaths by firearms, and violent crimes in general have been declining steadily over the years, while gun ownership has risen).

B0JTUOVCcAAK0wg

I’m also going to ridicule Bob a bit, because Bob is an idiot. Bob sneers about the motto Second Amendment advocates (and the big, bad NRA!) have adopted as a defiant warning to the politicians and retired O-5s who bloviate about taking away their natural rights. “Molon Labe,” Bob claims, was appropriated from the movie “The 300” by gun rights advocates, who are unaware of  its history. soccent-2 Never mind the movie came out in 2006, and gun rights advocates have been using this particular phrase since at least the 1990s. Never mind that it’s the current motto of the United States Special Operations Command Central (SOCCENT), and has been used in that very same spirit of defiance during the Texas revolution. Not that Bob has any respect for actual members of the military or anyone fighting for actual freedom – you know, those who didn’t spend their careers warping the minds of young cadets or lounging around at NATO, “planning violence” – but it’s always useful for panty-shitting cowards to excoriate others based on their alleged “knowledge” of King Leonidas’ Sparta, from whom the quote allegedly originated, rather than comprehend the spirit of the quote itself, which has been used by modern day armies and individuals as a cry of defiance for several hundred years.

And because Bob has no comprehension of honor, but rather chooses to crawl like a cockroach and lick the hands of his masters in vain hopes of perhaps getting appointed to some bureaucratic position somewhere in DC, he would rather focus on the “apocryphal” source of the quote than its meaning and what it has come to represent.

It’s OK, Bob. We understand that your lack of testicular fortitude prompts you to consistently bait gun owners from the relative safety of your computer at home. We also understand that despite your teary-eyed claims of being victimized by threats from gun owners, the vast majority of gun owners wouldn’t waste their time on vermin such as you other than to ridicule your lack of basic understanding of natural rights and your sneering contempt for the very people whose rights you swore an oath to protect. (Unlike your gun grabber friends who gleefully celebrate the thought of someone’s child being harmed, and plan how to best cause the deaths of gun owners by SWATting – such nice company you keep, Bob!)

crazyswat

So it’s time to once again ridicule Bob for being an oath-breaking, snot-nosed coward who soils himself at the sight of a normal guy peaceably exercising his right to keep and bear arms in public. Someone hand Bob a tissue and one of these.

Vagisil

The Stupid Grows

7 Comments

If you enjoyed the lunatic Moms Demand Action leader in my last post pontificating about what a wise man Josef Goebbels was, you’ll LOVE this!

Found this through Bob Owens at Bearing Arms asking if this is possibly the most ignorant gun control op-ed in history.

I think it just may be. The historically ignorant, obtuse blatherings contained in this editorial are burning stupid. Flame retardant stupid. Weapons grade stupid. Beat your head against the wall until cerebrospinal fluid leaks out of your eyes stupid. Are we getting the message here?

I won’t fisk the whole thing, because frankly I value my sanity, and I can’t look at this cross-eyed dimbulbery without wanting to burn my own eyes out with sulfuric acid. I will just point you to a few items of note.

Kasie Strickland, the author of the abject dumbassery in question, thinks that:

1) The First Amendment protects a “right to life”

2) The 1993 Brady Bill and 1994 Assault Weapons Ban were both passed by a Republican president (George H.W. Bush).

3) Our forefathers in 1791 had no idea about the weapons technology we would have in the future.

She also feels it’s not actually necessary to bring facts into her diatribe, because it’s an “opinion piece.”

One can only shake one’s head in disbelief. But then after Allison A. Martin’s laudatory words for the wise Josef Goebbels, nothing much surprises me.

Maybe we should make it mandatory that newspaper columnists actually pass a history class before being allowed to spew. After all, we’re not limiting their right to free press. We’re just making sure that they publish the truth – for the common good…

Or maybe we should just beat this dumb harpy over the head with a history book. I’m thinking this is the only way anything will penetrate her thick skull.

 

The jokes write themselves

3 Comments

U.S. Naval War College professor pulls Weiner.

A text message conversation with a photo of a penis from May and with the Newport, Rhode Island, college’s professor John Schindler’s name atop it was circulated on Twitter early Monday. It’s unclear who posted it.

A blogger sent a complaint to the War College’s administration. The college’s president has ordered an investigation.

The guy was also a former NSA analyst.

Seriously. Anthony Weiner, a/k/a Carlos Danger, would be proud.

One has to wonder if there’s some freaky compulsion that forces these guys to whip out their puds and wave them around on Twitter for all to see.

I can see Weiner… he’s a politician. Skinny, big nosed, awkward, and narcissistic – an incongruent combination of ego and insecurity that compels him to self destruction. After all, this douchebag was a Congressman. He had this power… this fame… but at the end of the day, he had to stare at his gawky, awkward frame in the mirror every night, probably wondering how a woman as hot as his wife could possibly want him.

But this guy?

John Schindler was ostensibly intelligent, educated, erudite, and most of all… he had to be discreet! He had to know how to keep a low profile! You don’t work at the Fort as an analyst without knowing how to keep secrets and how to use discretion.

And yet…

You have this guy’s wiggleworm wagging all over social media.

What. The. Hell.

Dude! Get help!

 

Isn’t this only slightly unconstitutional?

44 Comments

Hey, Alabama? Requiring teachers to lead kids in Christian prayer in public schools is… um… unconstitutional.

By way of a voice vote, the House Education Policy Committee passed a bill that would require teachers to recite Christian prayers in public schools every day, even though the majority of members did not vote for it.

The bill, sponsored by Rep. Steve Hurst, R-Munford, would require teachers to spend no more than 15 minutes in the first class of each day to read, verbatim, opening prayers said before a meeting of the U.S. House of Representatives or the U.S. Senate.

Rep. Mary Sue McClurkin, R-Indian Springs, chairwoman of the committee, said she heard more votes in favor of the bill.

“It’s what I heard as chairman,” she said.

Yeah, I’m sure that’s what you “heard as chairman,” but it’s still unconstitutional.

Look, I’m a pretty open minded kind of female. I have no problem with kids having their own little prayer groups, or learning about any religion in a public school. Fact is religion is a part of our culture and history, and to pretend it’s not there by not teaching kids about it is quite frankly stupid.

But notice I said, “teaching them ABOUT religion,” and not “teaching them religion.” There’s a difference.

I have no problem learning the history of different faiths, what they worship, how they worship, what they believe, etc. It’s knowledge, frothing atheist zealots. Get over it! It’s part of history. It’s part of geography. It’s part of current events. You can’t pretend religion doesn’t exist, and knowledge about the different faiths out there is important.

That said…

Forcing. Kids. To. Pray. Is. UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

Period.

You don’t need a degree in constitutional law to understand that!

The First Amendment prohibits the government from establishing a national religion. It is incorporated, so that states have to abide by it as well. Schools receive local, state and federal money. Ergo, they cannot impose Christian, Jewish, Wiccan, Buddhist, Muslim, Rastafarian, Pastafarian or Scientolog… ical (I hesitate to even use the word “logical” in that particular description of Scientology) prayers on kids.

A teacher is in a position of authority over kids. What do you think is going to happen when a teacher leads a mandated Christian prayer session in the classroom? Think there’s no element of coercion? Please!

When the Redhead was 11 years old, he went to a middle school in rural Virginia. He attended a DARE program taught by a local sheriff’s deputy. The Redhead really enjoyed the class. They played games, discussed the dangers of drugs, etc. One day, the Redhead brought home a pamphlet that this particular deputy handed to all the kids in his class. On its surface, it looked like a bunch of optical illusions and puzzles. However, a closer look revealed that it was a publication by these Living Waters freaks.

The pamphlet used puzzles and games to scare kids into accepting Jesus. It told them they could die at any moment, and if they did anything bad like lie in their lives, they were going to hell, unless… they accepted Jesus right fucking now! It told the kids they were sinners. It told them that hell awaits them all, because they were all inherently bad. It even had an optical illusion that used a reverse afterimage to deceive the kids into “seeing Jesus.”

jesus5zk

The Redhead thought it was interesting, and it didn’t bother him. But I raised him to be a confident individual unfazed by religious scare tactics. But that doesn’t even matter.

There is no justification – NONE – for bringing scary death cult shit into a public school to scare kids into converting. The entire pamphlet was all about how they could die tomorrow, about how they’ll go to hell, about how Jesus will help them get to heaven, but since they could die tomorrow, perhaps they should stare at this picture and then close their eyes and find him!

How the fuck do you justify trying to scare a bunch of 11-year-olds into having faith?

Here’s a hint, frothing fundamentalist zealots: if you have to frighten, mislead, deceive or intimidate people into your beliefs, maybe your beliefs just aren’t strong or convincing enough to stand on their own merit!

I did contact the school and found out that the materials the deputy handed out were not approved by the school, and that the school officials weren’t even made aware that anything was going to be handed out to the kids! They told me this was the first time anyone had complained about the materials the deputy handed out, which makes me believe that either the parents aren’t looking closely enough, or this is the first time he’s brought that crap into the school.

For the record, I have no problem with anyone talking to my kid about religion, encouraging him to explore his spirituality or various faiths. No problem at all. But if you try to bully or deceive my kid into entering your little cult, I promise you will receive a swift kick in the gonads from yours truly!

But back to Alabama…

Forcing children to say Christian prayers in class with the teacher at the helm is coercive, especially if a child’s family practices something other than Christianity. Yes, believe it or not, there are families – even in friggin’ Alabama – that are not Christian! And guess what, you arrogant, supercilious shitbags! They pay taxes too, including your salaries and the salaries of those teachers whom you want to become accomplices in your little game of religious compulsion. And I’m fairly sure these families would be pretty unhappy if their tax dollars were paying for a coercive religious conversion.

But hey… it’s your state, so you do what you want.

Bring on the lawsuits!

*Facepalm*

10 Comments

Submitted without comment, because… really… there’s just nothing I can say.

These are the progtards for whom Californians vote and give them the power and authority to disarm them and render them vulnerable not just to armed thugs, but also to sniveling tyrants.

This is what happens when you’re stupid

13 Comments

Ever heard of Krokodil? The word itself means “crocodile” in Russian, but it has nothing to do with the reptile. Krokodil is some scary, SCARY shit! It’s a drug – desomorphine – a morphine derivative, originally developed in Switzerland. But the Swiss, realizing how horrifying this shit is, didn’t turn it into a whole kitchen industry. The Russians, however… that’s another story.

Always desperate for a new and better high, the Russians figured out a way to make Krokodil cheaply and easily – after a crackdown on other opiates made heroin harder to get.  The drug is easily made from codeine which can be derived from cough syrup, iodine from OTC medications and red phosphorus from match strikers. And guess what! This stuff is highly impure and is contaminated with various toxic and corrosive byproducts. Various other common products like gasoline may be substituted as part of the production.

Lovely, right?

Want to know some side effects?

Aside from the fact that this crap only gets you high for about an hour, it also eats away your flesh.  Yep, massive tissue damage… gangrene… nastiness.

Really… who would inject a drug into their bodies that literally eats away at your flesh and is so highly addictive, that they don’t even care!

Well, apparently, at least one dimwit in Mexico has decided she doesn’t like her vaj, so she injected Krokodil into it.

Yeah, you read that correctly. A 17-year-old injected a mix of morphine, gasoline, and fuck knows what else into her genitals!

I guess you could look at it this way. This fucktard was way too stupid to breed anyway, and injecting a drug into her hoo hah pretty much ensures that she never will.

And that’s a win.

Zero tolerance stupidity, part thee… oh hell, I don’t know!

1 Comment

So we’ve read about kids getting suspended and expelled from school for having butter knives, drawing guns, pointing fingers menacingly and wielding chicken fingers in a threatening manner.

But this is a first! A three-year-old deaf boy forced to change the way he signs his name, because his name is…

Hunter.

A deaf preschooler in Grand Island, Nebraska, has been prohibited from signing his own name because school administrators believe the gesture he uses looks too much like a gun.

“He’s deaf, and his name sign, they say, is a violation of their weapons policy,” Hunter Spanjer’s father Brian told Channel 10/11.

The layers of stupid in this story are thicker than Chris Christie’s waistline!

Unsurprisingly, the school has a “strict zero-tolerance sense policy.” They claim they’re working with the parents on a compromise.

A COMPROMISE???

They want to stop a deaf child from using Signing Exact English to give his own name, because someone somewhere in this braindead administration has decided his little, tiny hands resemble those evil gun things used by mean men who kill Bambi’s mom when he signs his name, and they’re talking COMPROMISE???

Here’s your compromise, douchenozzles: you shut the fuck up, let the child sign his name, and stop soiling your collective diapers over nothing. Then you go away and never darken the sight of anyone with a shred of common sense ever again!

How’s that?

Older Entries

%d bloggers like this: