The jokes write themselves

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U.S. Naval War College professor pulls Weiner.

A text message conversation with a photo of a penis from May and with the Newport, Rhode Island, college’s professor John Schindler’s name atop it was circulated on Twitter early Monday. It’s unclear who posted it.

A blogger sent a complaint to the War College’s administration. The college’s president has ordered an investigation.

The guy was also a former NSA analyst.

Seriously. Anthony Weiner, a/k/a Carlos Danger, would be proud.

One has to wonder if there’s some freaky compulsion that forces these guys to whip out their puds and wave them around on Twitter for all to see.

I can see Weiner… he’s a politician. Skinny, big nosed, awkward, and narcissistic – an incongruent combination of ego and insecurity that compels him to self destruction. After all, this douchebag was a Congressman. He had this power… this fame… but at the end of the day, he had to stare at his gawky, awkward frame in the mirror every night, probably wondering how a woman as hot as his wife could possibly want him.

But this guy?

John Schindler was ostensibly intelligent, educated, erudite, and most of all… he had to be discreet! He had to know how to keep a low profile! You don’t work at the Fort as an analyst without knowing how to keep secrets and how to use discretion.

And yet…

You have this guy’s wiggleworm wagging all over social media.

What. The. Hell.

Dude! Get help!

 

Isn’t this only slightly unconstitutional?

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Hey, Alabama? Requiring teachers to lead kids in Christian prayer in public schools is… um… unconstitutional.

By way of a voice vote, the House Education Policy Committee passed a bill that would require teachers to recite Christian prayers in public schools every day, even though the majority of members did not vote for it.

The bill, sponsored by Rep. Steve Hurst, R-Munford, would require teachers to spend no more than 15 minutes in the first class of each day to read, verbatim, opening prayers said before a meeting of the U.S. House of Representatives or the U.S. Senate.

Rep. Mary Sue McClurkin, R-Indian Springs, chairwoman of the committee, said she heard more votes in favor of the bill.

“It’s what I heard as chairman,” she said.

Yeah, I’m sure that’s what you “heard as chairman,” but it’s still unconstitutional.

Look, I’m a pretty open minded kind of female. I have no problem with kids having their own little prayer groups, or learning about any religion in a public school. Fact is religion is a part of our culture and history, and to pretend it’s not there by not teaching kids about it is quite frankly stupid.

But notice I said, “teaching them ABOUT religion,” and not “teaching them religion.” There’s a difference.

I have no problem learning the history of different faiths, what they worship, how they worship, what they believe, etc. It’s knowledge, frothing atheist zealots. Get over it! It’s part of history. It’s part of geography. It’s part of current events. You can’t pretend religion doesn’t exist, and knowledge about the different faiths out there is important.

That said…

Forcing. Kids. To. Pray. Is. UNCONSTITUTIONAL.

Period.

You don’t need a degree in constitutional law to understand that!

The First Amendment prohibits the government from establishing a national religion. It is incorporated, so that states have to abide by it as well. Schools receive local, state and federal money. Ergo, they cannot impose Christian, Jewish, Wiccan, Buddhist, Muslim, Rastafarian, Pastafarian or Scientolog… ical (I hesitate to even use the word “logical” in that particular description of Scientology) prayers on kids.

A teacher is in a position of authority over kids. What do you think is going to happen when a teacher leads a mandated Christian prayer session in the classroom? Think there’s no element of coercion? Please!

When the Redhead was 11 years old, he went to a middle school in rural Virginia. He attended a DARE program taught by a local sheriff’s deputy. The Redhead really enjoyed the class. They played games, discussed the dangers of drugs, etc. One day, the Redhead brought home a pamphlet that this particular deputy handed to all the kids in his class. On its surface, it looked like a bunch of optical illusions and puzzles. However, a closer look revealed that it was a publication by these Living Waters freaks.

The pamphlet used puzzles and games to scare kids into accepting Jesus. It told them they could die at any moment, and if they did anything bad like lie in their lives, they were going to hell, unless… they accepted Jesus right fucking now! It told the kids they were sinners. It told them that hell awaits them all, because they were all inherently bad. It even had an optical illusion that used a reverse afterimage to deceive the kids into “seeing Jesus.”

jesus5zk

The Redhead thought it was interesting, and it didn’t bother him. But I raised him to be a confident individual unfazed by religious scare tactics. But that doesn’t even matter.

There is no justification – NONE – for bringing scary death cult shit into a public school to scare kids into converting. The entire pamphlet was all about how they could die tomorrow, about how they’ll go to hell, about how Jesus will help them get to heaven, but since they could die tomorrow, perhaps they should stare at this picture and then close their eyes and find him!

How the fuck do you justify trying to scare a bunch of 11-year-olds into having faith?

Here’s a hint, frothing fundamentalist zealots: if you have to frighten, mislead, deceive or intimidate people into your beliefs, maybe your beliefs just aren’t strong or convincing enough to stand on their own merit!

I did contact the school and found out that the materials the deputy handed out were not approved by the school, and that the school officials weren’t even made aware that anything was going to be handed out to the kids! They told me this was the first time anyone had complained about the materials the deputy handed out, which makes me believe that either the parents aren’t looking closely enough, or this is the first time he’s brought that crap into the school.

For the record, I have no problem with anyone talking to my kid about religion, encouraging him to explore his spirituality or various faiths. No problem at all. But if you try to bully or deceive my kid into entering your little cult, I promise you will receive a swift kick in the gonads from yours truly!

But back to Alabama…

Forcing children to say Christian prayers in class with the teacher at the helm is coercive, especially if a child’s family practices something other than Christianity. Yes, believe it or not, there are families – even in friggin’ Alabama – that are not Christian! And guess what, you arrogant, supercilious shitbags! They pay taxes too, including your salaries and the salaries of those teachers whom you want to become accomplices in your little game of religious compulsion. And I’m fairly sure these families would be pretty unhappy if their tax dollars were paying for a coercive religious conversion.

But hey… it’s your state, so you do what you want.

Bring on the lawsuits!

*Facepalm*

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Submitted without comment, because… really… there’s just nothing I can say.

These are the progtards for whom Californians vote and give them the power and authority to disarm them and render them vulnerable not just to armed thugs, but also to sniveling tyrants.

This is what happens when you’re stupid

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Ever heard of Krokodil? The word itself means “crocodile” in Russian, but it has nothing to do with the reptile. Krokodil is some scary, SCARY shit! It’s a drug – desomorphine – a morphine derivative, originally developed in Switzerland. But the Swiss, realizing how horrifying this shit is, didn’t turn it into a whole kitchen industry. The Russians, however… that’s another story.

Always desperate for a new and better high, the Russians figured out a way to make Krokodil cheaply and easily – after a crackdown on other opiates made heroin harder to get.  The drug is easily made from codeine which can be derived from cough syrup, iodine from OTC medications and red phosphorus from match strikers. And guess what! This stuff is highly impure and is contaminated with various toxic and corrosive byproducts. Various other common products like gasoline may be substituted as part of the production.

Lovely, right?

Want to know some side effects?

Aside from the fact that this crap only gets you high for about an hour, it also eats away your flesh.  Yep, massive tissue damage… gangrene… nastiness.

Really… who would inject a drug into their bodies that literally eats away at your flesh and is so highly addictive, that they don’t even care!

Well, apparently, at least one dimwit in Mexico has decided she doesn’t like her vaj, so she injected Krokodil into it.

Yeah, you read that correctly. A 17-year-old injected a mix of morphine, gasoline, and fuck knows what else into her genitals!

I guess you could look at it this way. This fucktard was way too stupid to breed anyway, and injecting a drug into her hoo hah pretty much ensures that she never will.

And that’s a win.

Zero tolerance stupidity, part thee… oh hell, I don’t know!

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So we’ve read about kids getting suspended and expelled from school for having butter knives, drawing guns, pointing fingers menacingly and wielding chicken fingers in a threatening manner.

But this is a first! A three-year-old deaf boy forced to change the way he signs his name, because his name is…

Hunter.

A deaf preschooler in Grand Island, Nebraska, has been prohibited from signing his own name because school administrators believe the gesture he uses looks too much like a gun.

“He’s deaf, and his name sign, they say, is a violation of their weapons policy,” Hunter Spanjer’s father Brian told Channel 10/11.

The layers of stupid in this story are thicker than Chris Christie’s waistline!

Unsurprisingly, the school has a “strict zero-tolerance sense policy.” They claim they’re working with the parents on a compromise.

A COMPROMISE???

They want to stop a deaf child from using Signing Exact English to give his own name, because someone somewhere in this braindead administration has decided his little, tiny hands resemble those evil gun things used by mean men who kill Bambi’s mom when he signs his name, and they’re talking COMPROMISE???

Here’s your compromise, douchenozzles: you shut the fuck up, let the child sign his name, and stop soiling your collective diapers over nothing. Then you go away and never darken the sight of anyone with a shred of common sense ever again!

How’s that?

Meet Dan Gross

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New Brady Campaign President, same douchebag as Helmke.

OK, this one may actually be a little dumber judging by the following press release. I didn’t think it was possible to hire someone more delusional, disingenuous and downright ignorant than Paul Helmke, but you judge for yourselves.

“Senator Rand Paul has launched an all-out, sneak attack on the authority of the District of Columbia to decide for itself the best way to protect its citizens from the ravages of gun violence.

You see, “sneak attack” in Dan Gross’ language actually means “standard amendment to proposed legislation that has been covered by the press.”

Quite simply, Rand Paul is promoting the gun lobby’s agenda and if he and the gun lobby have their way, innocent people will die.

Because they haven’t been dying, being beaten, raped, mugged and otherwise victimized in DC since the city’s gun ban was in existence?

And what happened after SCOTUS affirmed an individual right to keep and bear arms and incorporated the Second Amendment?

If you compare the first six months of this year to the first six months of 2008, the same time immediately preceding the Supreme Court’s late June “Heller” decision, murders have now fallen by thirty-four percent.

Gun crimes also fell more than non-gun crimes.

Robberies with guns fell by 25%, while robberies without guns have fallen by eight percent. Assaults with guns fell by 37%, while assaults without guns fell by 12%.

Just as with right-to-carry laws, when law-abiding citizens have guns some criminals stop carrying theirs.

Um. Ooops!

So Danny Boy claims that if DC residents are allowed to carry concealed, innocent people will die. A claim that has not been in any way proven to be true yet. No blood in the streets upon passage of concealed carry laws. No skyrocketing deaths of innocents. But that won’t stop Dan Gross from making the same spurious claim, because… well… SHUT UP! GUNS KILL! DIDN’T YOU KNOW?

All this is in direct conflict with the principles of local prerogatives and market freedom that he regularly espouses — when the subject is not guns. Rand Paul is nothing less than a hypocrite and his actions as a senator are a threat to our communities.

Except for that little thing called the Constitution which protects an individual right to keep and bear arms, which Rand Paul has vociferously, passionately and quite openly supported from Day One.

Paul’s proposed amendments to Sen. Joe Lieberman’s bill granting D.C. spending authority would endanger every D.C. resident and abridge the sovereign right of this community to enact its own laws to protect the public’s safety.

You know, Danny Boy, espousing the same lie over and over and over again won’t make it any more true than the first time you spewed it.

Washington DC is a capital district. It’s not part of any state. Article One, Section Eight of the United States Constitution grants the U.S. Congress “exclusive jurisdiction” over the city. And while its City Council and the idiot mayor are doing their best to run the city into the ground, Constitutionally, Congress retains the right to review and overturn laws created by the council and intervene in local affairs. You know… the Constitution… that little document both you, your idiot predecessor and that dried up old bint Sarah Brady keep ignoring when it comes to the Second Amendment.

Sen. Paul often claims to be a staunch defender of local prerogatives against federal interference,

If you mean states’ rights, then yes.

But DC is not a state, Danny. You might want to pick up a history book every so often. Just sayin’.

but he now proposes that Congress dictate to the District that it must allow not only its own citizens to carry loaded and concealed weapons on city streets, but it must allow concealed carry by non-residents of the District.

How DARE Rand Paul exert the perfectly legal authority of Congress to dictate to the District that it must actually abide by the Constitution! How DARE he want to protect the free citizens of Virginia and Maryland and any other state from being detained, charged and otherwise violated by the DC Police for merely driving through the District  while having their property on them! Bad, bad man!

Under Sen. Paul’s proposal, it would have been entirely legal for George Zimmerman to walk down Pennsylvania Avenue with a concealed, loaded handgun until he was arrested for shooting Trayvon Martin. And D.C. police could do nothing about it.

What Dipshit Dan forgets here is that Zimmerman didn’t just pull out a gun and shoot Martin for the hell of it, which is the way he makes it sound… Merely by accident, I’m sure.   Zimmerman was a Neighborhood Watch captain. He saw someone who looked suspicious. A physical altercation ensued, in which he was obviously hurt.  I have serious doubts that Zimmerman would have just been walking along Pennsylvania Avenue, looking for a kid in a hoodie to shoot. And had that been the case, DC Police could have done the same thing about the shooting as the police in Sanford, Florida did. Take the man in for questioning, charge if appropriate, try and either convict or acquit.

But see, Danny Boy is such a sniveling panty-shitter, that he believes the mere possession of a firearm on one’s person is a threat to DC residents, and wants people arrested for merely DARING to exercise their Constitutional right.  And that’s the right to keep and bear arms, not the right to commit crimes with said arms.  Not that Danny Boy gives a shit about little things called facts. Bringing up the Martin/Zimmerman fiasco is just a little red herring for you to draw your attention away from the fact that the citizens of DC have been victimized long enough, and Rand Paul is trying to help them.

Senator Paul also often purports to be a defender of the free market against government interference, but he now proposes to put the D.C. government in the business of selling guns.

Either Dan the Dildo is woefully uninformed, hasn’t read the actual amendments, or is a liar of even bigger proportions than Helmke was!  And that’s quite the accomplishment, Danny!

What one of the amendments would have done in actuality is “make the District ‘establish an office for the purpose of facilitating the purchase and registration of firearms by DC residents,’ in response to reports that there is only one licensed gun dealer in the city.” It would have made it easier for DC residents to legally purchase a firearm. It would have broken up a current monopoly, and allowed other businesses to operate within the District’s borders to fill an obvious demand and make tools of self-protection more affordable for the city’s citizens.

It certainly would NOT have made DC government into a gun dealer! Holy FUCK! Considering how badly they’re screwed up, I wouldn’t want that either!  But Danny the Douche obviously doesn’t know the difference, or is illiterate. Maybe both.

We suspect that gun stores are not opening on every corner in the District because District residents understand that possessing guns exposes them and their families to extraordinary danger. D.C. residents may have the constitutional right to possess guns for self-defense, but they are wisely choosing not to exercise that right.”

Well, Danny Boy, your suspicion is a load of day-old diarrhea laced with bits of corn and lettuce floating in a third-world toilet. The reason gun stores are not opening on every corner in the District is because it’s bureaucratically impossible and prohibitively costly to do so.

The only licensed firearms dealer in the District is Charles Sykes, and the city has made it barely possible for him to operate. How difficult do you think it is for new firearms retail stores to set up shop?

Last May, Mr. Sykes lost his lease when his office building was sold. The city then took advantage of a stray word in the law to classify his business as a “firearms retail sales establishment,” which made it almost impossible for him to relocate. The designation meant he couldn’t be within a football field’s distance from a school, church, apartment, house or library. In this tightly packed city, that left no reasonably priced options. The city gave him a small-scale map of where he could set up shop, but the map didn’t even have street names on it.

And I would suspect that if there was no demand for firearms, as Dickhead Dan claims, those stores would eventually close down for lack of business. That’s the way the free market works. Rand Paul understands this.

Dan Gross just drools incompetence and ignorance.

Nothing new there. The Brady morons traditionally haven’t been the brightest candles on the menorah!

This blithering dipshit just proves that the trend continues.

Just what, exactly, IS an MFA in puppetry?

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One has to wonder. A Master’s Degree takes a lot of work. I got mine a couple of years ago, and it was a harrowing experience. I stressed for months and months, studying for my comprehensive exams, and when I finally graduated cum laude with a 3.92 average, I couldn’t have been prouder! All the term papers and exams had finally paid off! And yes, I’m bragging. I drank my way through undergrad at Johns Hopkins, and didn’t even bother graduating with a 3.0.  As a matter of fact, there was one semester (freshman year – spring) that I didn’t even break a 1.0 GPA!  So yeah.  I feel all accomplished.

But my MA is in National Security Studies – it’s a subject with some substance and a lot of literature associated with it. It helped me get a terrific job that I love and a promotion I’d been seeking.

That’s why I just don’t get this guy.

A few years ago, Joe Therrien, a graduate of the NYC Teaching Fellows program, was working as a full-time drama teacher at a public elementary school in New York City. Frustrated by huge class sizes, sparse resources and a disorganized bureaucracy, he set off to the University of Connecticut to get an MFA in his passion—puppetry. Three years and $35,000 in student loans later, he emerged with degree in hand, and because puppeteers aren’t exactly in high demand, he went looking for work at his old school. The intervening years had been brutal to the city’s school budgets—down about 14 percent on average since 2007. A virtual hiring freeze has been in place since 2009 in most subject areas, arts included, and spending on art supplies in elementary schools crashed by 73 percent between 2006 and 2009. So even though Joe’s old principal was excited to have him back, she just couldn’t afford to hire a new full-time teacher. Instead, he’s working at his old school as a full-time “substitute”; he writes his own curriculum, holds regular classes and does everything a normal teacher does. “But sub pay is about 50 percent of a full-time salaried position,” he says, “so I’m working for half as much as I did four years ago, before grad school, and I don’t have health insurance…. It’s the best-paying job I could find.”

OK, let me understand this.

This tool left a teaching position that pays AT THE VERY LEAST $45,500 base salary for teacher with a Bachelor’s degree and no prior teaching experience (and that doesn’t even include salary steps and bonuses) to get a Masters of Fine Arts degree in…

Puppetry.

Yes, puppetry. An “art” in which you manipulate (he he *insert Beavis voice here* – she said “manipulate”) dolls with either strings attached to their limbs, or by sticking your hand up their… uh… skirts.

He has a degree – a Master’s Degree – in it!  Puppetry!

This douche spent $35,000 he didn’t have, as witnessed by the fact that he has $35,000 in student loans, to learn how to manipulate dolls, thinking this oh-so-useful skill would help him find a job.

I don’t know about you guys, but I don’t see a big demand for puppeteers. No help wanted ads in any newspaper I’ve ever read ask for guys with a degree in sticking their hands up dolls’ garments. I’m not even sure how this… um… “degree” would make him a better teacher!

So he left a good paying job, got a worthless degree that cost him thousands of dollars, and somehow expected to get hired right back… in this economy… after having spent $35,000 he didn’t have on an MFA in… puppetry.

And now he’s occupying Wall Street, and crying that his poor life choices somehow entitle him to have the rest of us subsidize him.

He’s occupying Wall Street, because he thought that hard work and education would afford him a measure of upward mobility.

Seriously? Hard work in puppetry?

He actually expected the NYC school system to hire him back with a nice $10,000 raise, because he got a Master’s Degree – no matter how useless the topic?

What is it that Joe studied?  What kind of classes did he take?

  • String length: effective techniques to make your puppets’ fist pump of anarchy even more potent;
  • Fingers: how far up is too far?
  • Manipulation techniques;
  • Dance, Puppet, Dance! Interpretive Movement Behind the Curtain;
  • Modern Geniuses: the Artistry of Jeff Dunham;
  • Hand vs. Shadow Puppets: pros and cons
  • The Joys of Puppet Erotica (None Dare Call it Porn!)

What were Joe’s comprehensive exams like?

“I’m sorry, Mr. Therrien, but I saw your fingers move suggestively over that puppet’s butt.  That’s 10 points off.”

Look – it may have been fun to borrow $35,000 to play with dolls, but I can’t imagine this guy actually thought this degree would bring him any kind of upward mobility!

It’s all well and good to make lousy economic decisions in your life. You’re entitled to your mistakes. You can’t blame capitalism, corporatism or anything else for your inability to find work with a degree in doll manipulation.

But don’t complain when faced with the logical consequences of your bad decisions.

 

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