Someone buy this racist knob gobbler a one way ticket out of the country she so hates!

13 Comments

So I have no idea who this Azealia Banks is. Frankly, I’m not up on pop culture, so this is the first time I’ve ever seen her name in print. Here’s what I do know.

She’s apparently a rapper.

She looks like the byproduct of unfortunate and sloppy anal sex session between Beetlegeuse and Iggy Pop.

beetlejuice 074184-rounded-glossy-black-icon-alphanumeric-plus-sign-simple   a99_Iggy

13683094801441475873equal_sign2-78-hi Azealia-Banks-AP-640x480

 

And she recently gave an interview with Playboy, telling the magazine that she hates the United States, and specifically “racist conservative white people” and “fat white Americans.”

“Do you want to leave the U.S.?” asked Playboy?

Yes! I hate everything about this country. Like, I hate fat white Americans. All the people who are crunched into the middle of America, the real fat and meat of America, are these racist conservative white people who live on their farms. Those little teenage girls who work at Kmart and have a racist grandma—that’s really America.

Really!

The same America that elected a black president. Twice.

The same America where black economists like Thomas Sowell and Walter Williams, black celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, successful CEOs like Kenneth Frasier and Ursula Burns, military leaders such as Colin Powell, scholars and foreign policy experts like Condi Rice, and actors such as Denzel Washington and Morgan Freeman continue to make history?

That America?

She hates farmers who provide the food that nourishes her ass. She hates teenage girls who are working in a store she obviously would not deign to patronize, because KMART! Dog forbid someone actually works for a living instead of puking forth barely literate cockspew and spreading their legs! She hates middle America, because they’re white, and apparently fat, according to her standards.

This dumb cocksplurt read the word “misogynoir” somewhere and has decided to claim it as the slight du jour as justification for her hatred. Because she’s black, and she’s female, and therefore SHUT UP, RACIST! 

Yeah, OK, fuckwit.

The same America you claim to despise buys the cretinous spew you claim is music, which – if these lyrics are any indication – was written while in a meth haze while being sodomized by a rabid orangutan.

I take your brain to another dimension
I take your brain in a parallel universe trip
I’m the only no parallel bitch
Things running and shit, maneuvered in deep
Then I murder you and you spit
Get your little outdated frozen a hip
On the word click click
How much is for this clip
Blast it off last ‘er, you might be stuck on this dick
Look at this bitch, tick tick
What you do, wanna get hit hit
Four fifth move quick, four fifth’s in the whip
What dimension is this

That same America made you famous, and got you that spread in Playboy, so you can swing your udders and undulate your moldy meat curtains.

That same America gives you the freedom to capitalize on that felched up vomit you call talent.

That same America protects your right to be a bloated, greasy cuntmange and spew your hatred with impunity on the pages of a magazine that shows off your overly made-up, bloated cock hole.

You hate racists? Look in the mirror, you shitslurping twunt. But get some eye bleach ready, because once you emerge from that Peruvian powder-laced vat of delusion in which you live, you may not like what you see.

And by the way, since this is a free country, you’re free to take your giggling saddle bags somewhere else, you fetid fuckbadger.

 

I should really post more

3 Comments

I know it’s been weeks since I’ve written anything. I needed a break. I haven’t really been in the mood to write. First, there was the snow, which prompted me to sit around in bed all day in my pajamas drinking hot tea and watching Law & Order reruns.

And now… I’m off on temporary duty to Miami.

I know… HARDSHIP! But you’d be surprised how crappy it feels to go from a foot of snow in DC to 85-degree heat with 10000 percent humidity down in southern Florida! So if you have a snarky comment about how you feel oh-so-sorry for me being down here, keep it to yourself, punkin, because all you’ll get from me is a one-fingered salute.

As for what I’ve been up to?

Well…

For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been a regular part of the GunBlog Variety Cast along with some awesome folks, including Sean Sorrentino and Erin Palette. I’ve been doing this for a while now, but I’ve been an abject FAIL at blogging about it, because I’m lazy. So go over there and listen. Surprisingly enough, I don’t bloviate about guns on this one, but rather foreign policy. Erin talks about prepping, Sean and Adam talk about… stuff, and other incredible, talented, and intelligent folks talk about guns and tech. It’s fun. You should check it out, if you want to find out what I sound like on the air (shout out to my broadcaster background!).

And no, I don’t curse.

So what’s been going on?

Well, for one, we kicked Maduro and his band of Venezuelan thugs in the nuts with some sanctions last week. And if you hear them whining that this means the United States is about to launch into some kind of military action against them, you can laugh a little, because they’re either ignorant, or just want to raise the level of whining. Fact is that they were sanctioned under the International Emergency Economic Powers Act (IEEPA), which authorizes the President to regulate commerce after declaring a “national emergency” in response to any unusual or extraordinary foreign threat. It certainly doesn’t authorize any kind of military action.

Specifically, the E.O. targets those determined by the Department of the Treasury, in consultation with the Department of State, to be involved in:

  • actions or policies that undermine democratic processes or institutions;
  • significant acts of violence or conduct that constitutes a serious abuse or violation of human rights, including against persons involved in antigovernment protests in Venezuela in or since February 2014;
  • actions that prohibit, limit, or penalize the exercise of freedom of expression or peaceful assembly; or
  • public corruption by senior officials within the Government of Venezuela.

The E.O. also authorizes the Department of the Treasury, in consultation with the Department of State, to target any person determined:

  • to be a current or former leader of an entity that has, or whose members have, engaged in any activity described in the E.O. or of an entity whose property and interests in property are blocked or frozen pursuant to the E.O.; or
  • to be a current or former official of the Government of Venezuela;

What does this all mean? It means we don’t like corrupt thugs who steal money from their own people while undermining their basic rights using the U.S. financial system. So we cut off their access to it.

What else has been going on?

The Justice Department determined there was no basis for continued legal action against Darren Wilson, who last year shot Michael Brown in an action which was determined to be justified. Of course, Holder and the DOJ can’t leave well enough alone, so even though the shoot was good, they put out a report citing racism in the Ferguson PD writ large in an obvious attempt to mollify the screeching race hustlers. It is interesting to note that the report cites revenue generation being emphasized in the PD’s approach to law enforcement.

Patrol assignments and schedules are geared toward aggressive enforcement of Ferguson’s municipal code, with insufficient thought given to whether enforcement strategies promote public safety or unnecessarily undermine community trust and cooperation. Officer evaluations and promotions depend to an inordinate degree on “productivity,” meaning the number of citations issued. Partly as a consequence of City and FPD priorities, many officers appear to see some residents, especially those who live in Ferguson’s predominantly African-American neighborhoods, less as constituents to be protected than as potential offenders and sources of revenue.

This is a problem that’s not just limited to Ferguson. Nothing new and different there, and I’ve often been appalled at the outrageous fees and penalties imposed on citizens for engaging in a simple mistake or minor traffic violation. So I get it. It sucks.

But in the same breath, the DOJ’s report claims that “The harms of Ferguson’s police and court practices are borne disproportionately by African Americans, and there is evidence that this is due in part to intentional discrimination on the basis of race.”

Lemme ask ya something. If it is obvious that the city’s focus is on revenue generation, rather than public safety, and therefore, it views the PREDOMINANTLY AFRICAN-AMERICAN city as a source of revenue generation, wouldn’t it stand to reason that in a predominantly black city, the brunt of those revenue generation policies would be… um… black, and that the reason Ferguson’s law enforcement practices and policies overwhelmingly impact African-Americans is because THAT’S WHO PREDOMINANTLY LIVES IN THE FRIGGIN’ CITY?

But hey, some of us don’t go looking for racism under every bed and around every corner.

In response to said report, Ferguson’s city manager has resigned and a state judge will be in charge of all Ferguson cases. Every town needs scapegoats, I suppose. That, of course, didn’t mollify the stampeding hordes, and just this past weekend, two police officers were shot after working crowd control in Ferguson. Police charged Jeffrey Williams with the shooting. The suspect admits he fired the weapon, but claims he was aiming at someone else in the crowd.

I’m trying to wrap my head at the amount of fucking stupid it takes to make such an admission. Stupid #1) You fire your weapon into a crowd of fucking people. Stupid #2) You admit to doing so, but hey… you weren’t aiming at police, and I guess you were expecting to hit your mark dead on. In a crowd. You dimwitted, miserable FAIL of a fucktard. Stupid #2) The only two people you conveniently hit are two cops. How propitious, considering the demonstrations were all about supposed police “racism.”

And, of course, Holder has been sniveling about how much acts of violence against law enforcement are not to be tolerated. Never mind he and his DOJ are the ones fomenting said unrest!

OK, enough about that.

There was supposedly a ceasefire agreement reached in Ukraine. Well, it was reached, but if you’re thinking that it’s somehow been effective, you’d be wrong. NATO Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg says the ceasefire is “fragile.” I think while violence has been reduced some, he’s the master of the understatement. If you want a boots on the ground (so to speak) glimpse into what’s going on, you should follow U.S. Ambassador to Ukraine Geoffrey Pyatt on Twitter. The Russians will tell you it’s not their fault – that it’s the separatists failing to abide by the ceasefire – that they have no control over said militants. Um… yeah… right. If you think that Moscow isn’t behind the continuous arming of separatists in the region, I have this bridge…

Yes, I know I should keep up with my blogging, but even I need a break sometimes, so if I’m not around, it’s because I’m busy having a life.

Air Travel Lament

9 Comments

I know you guys must be sick and tired of my making excuses for not blogging by telling you I’ve gone on another trip. But it’s true – I promise!

This time I jaunted off to Kyiv, Ukraine for a few days. Good times. I didn’t have my camera, so I didn’t take any photos, unfortunately, but I can tell you that they did a bang-up job cleaning up from the Maidan riots! The city looks cosmopolitan! Lots of beautiful architecture intermingled with soviet-era building wrecks. There’s no parking enforcement there, so cars are just kind of piled up any which way, blocking traffic and causing problems.

Despite all this, the food is amazing, the people are friendly for the most part, and I felt like I was in the middle of history being made!

We stayed next door to the Saint Sophia cathedral.

sophia

And only a couple of blocks from the Maidan where the protests took place only a few months ago.

maidan

It was a bit surreal, to say the least.

The trip over was marred by yet another strike of Lufthansa workers in Frankfurt. This happened the last time I was in Europe two weeks ago, but luckily did not affect my trip back, because I was on a United flight out of Frankfurt. This time… we were to fly Lufthansa into Frankfurt and then take a connecting flight to Kyiv, but that was not to be.

We were rebooked on a Turkish Airlines flight through Istanbul, which would put us in Kyiv six hours later than originally planned, keep us in the airport for five extra hours, and keep us on a transatlantic flight a bit longer. But you know what? Well worth it, because the Istanbul airport is awesome, and the service on Turkish Airlines is fantastic!

Speaking of airlines…

I’ve traveled quite a bit. I’ve taken Lufthansa, British Airways, Air France, KLM, Turkish Airways, and a whole host of U.S. airlines, and I have to say – as Americans, we ought to be ashamed!

Seriously.

Let me provide a few examples.

Boarding: Why is it all other airlines in the civilized world have figured out that boarding from the rear makes more sense than boarding from the front, where any douchebag with a suitcase big enough to carry a bovine carcass, sitting in row 10, will hold up the entire boarding process by trying to shove said oversized bag into the overhead compartment, causing at least two flight attendants to clog up the aisle helping him shove that thing up there, while the rest of the passengers wait in an endless queue?

Service: On every European airline I’ve traveled, you are kept as comfortable as you can possibly be on a 9-10 hour transatlantic flight. They keep you well hydrated, offering water or other drinks every hour or two. U.S. flights? Not so much. You’ll be lucky if you get some water without asking.

On every European flight, they offer you a hot, moist towel before a meal. You freshen up, you wipe your hands of grime. After all, who wants to see a long line of hundreds of passengers trying to file through the handful of lavatories just to wash their hands before a meal? Smart idea, right? Apparently not so for our American flights. Screw that. It takes extra work!

Turkish Airlines staff come around and give you a little pouch which contains a soft pair of socks – clean ones for you to use on the flight and keep afterward – a toothbrush and a little tube of toothpaste, some lip balm, because dehydration is a problem, and an eye mask, so you can sleep. The seats recline, with the bottom of the seat moving forward slightly for a more comfortable, complete reclining experience. The plane is clean. The video monitors are all equipped with a USB port, so you can actually charge your electronics in flight. And slippers. They give you slippers. You know why? Because your feet get gross in a pair of whatever shoes you’re wearing, and it’s nice to just be without shoes for a few hours while you fly.

No such luxuries on my United fight back home. You’d be lucky to get a clean seat. My monitor was covered in some sticky gunk that was likely there for weeks and had turned black. No way I was touching that shit! No extras. Nothing. You get your little cup of water, tea/coffee – if you ask for it – twice during the flight (not including meals), and some non-functioning headphones (I got those twice).

Food: Oh good lord! I can’t begin to describe the crimes against nature that were the meals on United, especially compared to what I’m accustomed to on other airlines! For example – on Turkish Airlines, you get handed an actual MENU. I had the salmon with horseradish sauce, sliced cheese with tomatoes and cucumbers, meatballs with rice and grilled vegetables, and a dessert, as well as a cup of water that came included with the meal in addition to whatever you wanted to drink when the drink cart came around. Coffee was fresh. Orange juice was actually fresh squeezed. Breakfast was a cheese omelet, fresh bread, coffee, etc. Lufthansa served pasta with tomato sauce and vegetables, as well as a nice, fresh roll, a bottle of water and a dessert. I’ve had shrimp salad, chicken teriyaki, an assortment of cheeses and other human food on European airlines that included actual… you know… silverware!

On this particular United flight back, I selected lasagna. The lasagna noodles were so tough and stale, that the cheap, plastic knife actually bent as I tried to slice into it! The roll – which I think was supposed to be a ciabatta roll – was so stale, that the cheap, plastic knife couldn’t even cut into it. I tore at it with my fork, which wasn’t much more effective at slicing the damn thing in half. Biting into it and chewing, I was grateful I didn’t break a tooth. The salad was nothing but lettuce with a single cucumber slice. The dessert was a recently-defrosted piece of crumb cake. Know how I know it was recently defrosted? Because when I bit into it, I received a not-so-welcome squirt of liquid that denotes something was recently rescued from a freezer. GAH.

I was feeling a bit under the weather, so I asked for some orange juice. Yuck. From concentrate with a bitter-ish aftertaste. At least the hot tea was good!

Booze: Free on any civilized airline.

Q: “How much is a glass of wine?”

A (haughtily): “This is Air France. It’s free.”

Any U.S. carrier.

Q: “How much is a beer with my dinner?”

A: “We only have Budweiser, and it will be $756 and your newborn.”

Listen, I’m not spoiled. I understand air travel isn’t always convenient or comfortable. But I also travel enough to know that we are doing something fundamentally wrong! We pay thousands of dollars to be treated like cattle with no extra effort to make customers even remotely less uncomfortable, while European carriers really go the extra mile.

And by the way, this is in no way an indictment of the flight attendants, who generally do the best with what they have, which isn’t much, and have to put up with a whole lot of crap from unhappy people. I generally try to be extra kind to them and not ask them for much, because I know they’re probably as miserable as the rest of us.

But a little extra from the airline in general would be nice.

I mean, if you’re going to be stuck on a 9-hour flight with a gargantuan guy next to you overflowing into your seat, shouldn’t you at least warrant a bloody face mask so you can sleep?

Breast cancer awareness

11 Comments

Thank you to Leisha Davison-Yasol for penning an essay that inspired me to finally voice my opinion on this topic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s near the end of October – a month during which football teams don lurid, pink accoutrements, that generally clash in the tackiest of ways with their uniforms, stores cash in on various pink, breast cancer-supporting memorabilia, women free their ta-tas from the constraints of their brassieres, and Facebook is rife with breast-related gimmicks.

I usually keep quiet during this month. My mommy underwent heinous, disfiguring surgeries to rid her of her breast cancer several years ago, and even though she’s considered “in remission” now, the pain, discomfort, nausea, infections, edema and psychological damage resulting from invasive surgeries and chemo remain.

I don’t like October. It’s not that I don’t appreciate people trying to be supportive, but frankly the crass commercialism, breast-related games, and ham-handed puns and stunts are more than irritating. They’ve become offensive.

For the record, I don’t see how flaunting the fact that you’re not wearing a bra today, or making people guess what color bra you have on to hold up your two healthy breasts is in any way supportive of women – and men, by the way – who have lost theirs.

For the record, I don’t see how forcing the Seattle Seahawks to don bright pink accents, making them look like the awkward spawn of a Smurf and Strawberry Shortcake from a drunken bar hook-up (thanks to my buddy Rick for that visual) helps women with cancer.

For the record, I don’t see how buying coffee mugs made in China, with pink ribbons on them for a few more bucks, so that the store, the coffee cup manufacturer, promoter, etc. make an extra profit, while donating MAYBE 1 percent to breast cancer research – if that – helps the devastation caused by cancer.

I just don’t see it.

I was there, in my mom’s hospital room after the initial surgery was over. I helped her to the bathroom. I talked to her when she woke up from the anesthesia. But when my mom was undergoing chemo and recovering from her surgeries, I was frightened. The kids were frightened. I freaked out to such a degree, that I could barely be in the same room with her at times. I was afraid to infect her with something, because her system was so immuno-compromised. I was afraid to touch her or hug her, because I thought I would hurt something. But most of all, I was reminded, horribly, of her mortality and that reminder of the fact that I could lose my mom, forced me to a distance.

I was wrong, and I eventually got over it. I talked to her, and we visited, and eventually, the horror of the possibility of losing her subsided.

But not once, did I think jumping around without my bra on to show my “support” was a good idea!

And not once, did I consider putting on pink, buying a pink Coach bag, which cost more than my grocery budget for a damn month, while putting extra money in the pockets of the already profitable company, or wearing a stupid ribbon to “support” my mom a good idea.

What supported her was her family.

My dad taking her to doctors, holding her while she got physically sick after chemo, and talking to her when she needed to vent.

Our visits. Seeing the kids.

Phone calls. Conversations. My dad’s extra trips to the grocery store to get her something she craved on that particular day just to see her eat something without getting sick.

Mine being the first face she saw after waking up from anesthesia.

Helping her walk a little at a time, as her bruised and battered body healed.

That’s what supported her. Stupid pink ribbons and pink NFL towels be damned!

I don’t want to disparage those of you who get that little boost from displaying your pink Coach bag or your lapel ribbon as a sign of your solidarity with those who have suffered cancer… well… yeah, I do.

It’s not about ribbons. It’s not about pink ties, shoes, towels and car magnets. And it’s certainly not about jiggling your healthy ta-tas in public while others are no longer able to do so. So just stop it.

I’ve had close friends who have had to deal with cancer at different stages recently – young, vibrant men and women, whose lives are indelibly changed by this disease.

It’s not just breast cancer.

It’s cervical cancer. It’s prostate cancer. It’s endometrial cancer. It’s lung cancer. It’s cancerous brain tumors.

All these heinous diseases deserve your attention and support, and not in the form of ribbons!

Talk to your friends and family. Be there for them. Take their calls at 3am. Visit them in the hospital. Bring them chocolate and movies and bottled water and other goodies. Hug them without being afraid. Be bold and brave, and don’t avoid the conversation. Take your kids to see them, and teach your kids to support their loved ones through your actions, and not through pink accents on an NFL uniform.

And ferfuckssake, PUT AWAY YOUR TITS!

Now it’s the victim’s fault

7 Comments

Victim was bad. Victim was selling crack to sweet innocent teenagers, forcing the cherubs to beat him to death.

That is the bizarre claim of slimebag Kenan Adams-Kinard, who appeared in court yesterday and claimed that the 88-year old World War II veteran, whom he helped bludgeon to death was selling him crack, and that the transaction turned violent.

Adams-Kinard and Demetruis Glenn, both 16, are accused of attacking Belton when he resisted a robbery attempt in the parking lot outside his Fraternal Order of Eagles lodge last Wednesday night. Both were charged as adults.

There is little I find more repugnant in this world than these two shitbirds, who victimized an elderly man – a man who served his country honorably, a man who was supposed to have a peaceful sunset to his life, a man who ostensibly could not fight back.

Hell, even the defense attorney for the other shitbag doesn’t believe that pus-filled little hemorrhoid and calls the claim ridiculous!

There are no redeeming qualities in this trash. These two heartless animals (and I hesitate to call them this, because animals don’t just murder for the fuck of it) attacked an elderly man, who was ostensibly weaker than they were, was unable to defend himself from their viciousness, and eventually succumbed. He fought back – gallantly and bravely – which is more courage than these two dickdrips could ever show, when they attacked a defenseless elderly man and bludgeoned him with flashlights.

And before Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton come to the rescue of these two sacks of rancid effluvia…

  1. No, it’s not society’s fault that they were black/underprivileged/victimized/*insert stupid excuse here*.
  2. No, being black doesn’t mitigate this vicious crime. See #1.
  3. No, they’re not young men with much potential to whom no one ever offered a chance. They’re foul thugs, and I don’t give a fuck how old they are.
  4. Yes, they deserve to be tried as adults for an intentional, savage, depraved crime, and I don’t give a fuck how old they are.
  5. No, I’m not afraid to call them savages. No, it’s not a racist term. It’s an accurate one.
  6. No, I don’t give a fuck what color they are, but the silence from Jesse and Al is somewhat instructive.
  7. No, they didn’t do it owing to some perceived social injustice. They did it because they’re heartless pieces of monkey shit.
  8. If that sounds racist, I’m tired of giving a shit. Shut the fuck up.
  9. No, I don’t believe they should be charged with a “hate crime,” because: a) there is no such thing – a hate crime is a thought crime, and for those of you who haven’t read Orwell lately, that’s double plus ungood – and b) because they should be charged with a capital crime – their legs should be broken, and they should be tossed into a pen with vicious swine and filmed while they’re eaten slowly and painfully (although, I’m not sure what foul thing swine did to deserve that shit).
  10. No, lawyer scum. They did not fall in with the wrong crowd. They are vomitous, shitslurping thunderfucks who need to be put out of society’s misery.

And that is all.

The Blog Post in which I Insult Everybody Without Using a Single Curse Word

33 Comments

Just watch me!

If you’re black, Hispanic, Oriental, gay, straight, white, poor, rich, sick, bisexual, omnisexual, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, atheist or agnostic, you’d better not read this post. Heck, if you’re any sort of homo sapien, you might want to stay away, because I will insult, offend or otherwise give you post-traumatic stress for the rest of your life by using words that will scar and shock you!

In 1999, an aide of then-Washington DC Mayor Anthony Williams resigned after some of his coworkers became incensed at his use of the word “niggardly” during a meeting to describe how he would manage a budget. If you didn’t know, “niggardly” means “frugal” or “miserly”, but these city employees apparently had the intellects of rabid monkeys, so instead of checking a dictionary, they threw their excrement in frustrated indignation until David Howard resigned. After a quick acceptance of Howard’s resignation, Williams decided he acted too hastily, so he rehired his top aide, because firing a good worker, because he’s too smart for the walking examples of the lowest common denominator employed by the city, would be “catastrophic” and “disastrous” (two words some in the New York City Department of Education wanted to ban from standardized tests, because they might offend or disturb – heck if I know whom.)

Why do I mention this 14 year old incident?

Because this was the first time I became aware of the sheer “lunacy” (another word that will likely be banned from standardized tests, because it refers to a mental disease, and we don’t want to traumatize children who might be, or have family members or loved ones who might be sick) of the butthurt.

Today, the problem of language and the war on words (Oh whoops! I mentioned war. That implies violence. Standardized testing eggheads won’t like that either) that is being waged against common sense has gotten out of control.

I obviously cannot talk about “faggot” or “fagot,” which actually means “a bundle of dry sticks or wood” in actual… you know… ENGLISH! That might be insulting to homosexuals! And God and Goddess forbid I use the word “fag” as slang to describe a cigarette!

Recently, my buddy science fiction author Michael Z. Williamson got banned from Facebook for daring to use the word “chigger.”  I wouldn’t have believed this was true, and would have demanded more information about this incident, if it wasn’t for the fact that I know Mike personally and have known him for years, so I know this incident to be 100 percent true. It happened not once, but twice, and not just to Mike but to blogger Erin Pallette, whose post said the following:

“I was once niggardly with a jigger full of chiggers. Tigger wanted that jigger with a vigor, but I refused. A Tigger with a jigger full of chiggers is a digger with rigor.” Something like that.

Apparently anything that rhymes with… chigger… is offensive to… um… insects? As Erin pointed out to Facebook – English, Facebook, do you speak it? “Niggardly” is not a racist word, as a brief Googleing would indicate. Kindly grow a sense of humor along with a larger vocabulary.

So, citizens – and I mean citizens, not illegal aliens, who came to this country illegally and are legally not allowed to be here per United State law (I will address you separately) – we’re in an era of political correctness like I’ve never seen before. Bring a “brown bag lunch” and stay a while, because it’s going to be an interesting ride.

In case you were wondering, “brown bag lunch” is offensive, because apparently (and I wouldn’t have known it, being a white person, and therefore racist and all) had been used as a test of skin color to determine whether a person’s skin was light enough to be invited to a party or event. As a rule of thumb (Oops! I used bad phrase that the State Department’s “Chief Diversity Officer” says is offensive, because the phrase emanates from some kind of religious regulation that says you may not beat your wife with a rod any thicker than your thumb), the paper bag test was used by African Americans throughout the twentieth and twenty-first century with reference to a ritual once practiced by certain African-American sororities and fraternities who would not let anyone into the group whose skin tone was darker than a paper bag. So it’s racist and bad, because… wait… what? African Americans used it to judge their own? Hmmmm. Well, then it must be the evil whites’ fault anyway, because we have given black people a full blown generational inferiority complex about their skin color.

Sorry, crackers (not the little crunchy things you eat). No matter what, it’s your fault.

Of course, the brown bag is simply a bag many of us used, and many kids today continue to use to bring their lunch to school – it’s cheap and an easy carry. And the “rule of thumb” refers to using one’s fingers and thumbs as measuring devices. But that’s a small chink in the armor of the PC police (oh, damn, did I just insult Oriental people? I should be fired like those two ESPN employees were last year.

Now, we’re not saying anything has been made illegal (oh, ooops! might be offensive because it refers to undocumented immigrants or something), or that people are being thrown in jail for the use of offensive language… yet. But these little politically correct games are getting old.

Next thing you know we’ll have to call bums “residentially deprived Americans.”

Christians will turn into “oppressors” – plain and simple.

Jews will be “kosher Americans.”

Criminals will simply be known as those who use “alternative means of gaining wealth.”

Hunting will be “animal murder,” and will be outlawed.

Unemployment will be “unpaid leave” – oh wait… that’s my furlough!

Illegal aliens are already “undocumented immigrants.”

Money is the tool of the evil capitalist, so we won’t refer to it at all.

Islamic terrorism can surely be referred to as “workplace violence,” because we can’t insult fundamentalists, can we?

Have I insulted enough of you yet?

Good.

Thank you, Chris Kluwe!

3 Comments

Just thought I’d explain why I decided to write the previous post. It was an open letter from Minnesota Vikings punter Chris Kluwe to elected Maryland moron Emmett C. Burns Jr. who last week wrote a letter to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, urging him to trample the freedom of speech of Ravens linebacker Brendon Ayanbadejo, who has spoken out in favor of a Maryland ballot initiative that would legalize gay marriage. “Inhibit such expressions from your employee,” Burns told Bisciotti!

Really, Mr. Burns?

Just who the flying, festering fuck do you think you are? Just who gave you the authority to put pressure on private citizens to conform to your personal religious views? And just why do you feel you have any right to pressure a private organization into inhibiting free speech?

Since when do elected officials have the right to infringe upon individuals’ right to free speech? To me, that’s a serious abuse of power.

As for his ignorance, I think Chris Kluwe addresses that better than I ever could!

This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you’ll start thinking about penis? “Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!” Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)

I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won’t come into your house and steal your children. They won’t magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won’t even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?

Do yourselves a favor and read the rest of the open letter I linked to above.

I’ll always be an Eagles fan (but seriously, guys, one-point win over the Browns??? Really???), but I may start rooting for the Vikings as well!

 

 

Older Entries

%d bloggers like this: