Just watch me!
If you’re black, Hispanic, Oriental, gay, straight, white, poor, rich, sick, bisexual, omnisexual, Christian, Muslim, Jewish, atheist or agnostic, you’d better not read this post. Heck, if you’re any sort of homo sapien, you might want to stay away, because I will insult, offend or otherwise give you post-traumatic stress for the rest of your life by using words that will scar and shock you!
In 1999, an aide of then-Washington DC Mayor Anthony Williams resigned after some of his coworkers became incensed at his use of the word “niggardly” during a meeting to describe how he would manage a budget. If you didn’t know, “niggardly” means “frugal” or “miserly”, but these city employees apparently had the intellects of rabid monkeys, so instead of checking a dictionary, they threw their excrement in frustrated indignation until David Howard resigned. After a quick acceptance of Howard’s resignation, Williams decided he acted too hastily, so he rehired his top aide, because firing a good worker, because he’s too smart for the walking examples of the lowest common denominator employed by the city, would be “catastrophic” and “disastrous” (two words some in the New York City Department of Education wanted to ban from standardized tests, because they might offend or disturb – heck if I know whom.)
Why do I mention this 14 year old incident?
Because this was the first time I became aware of the sheer “lunacy” (another word that will likely be banned from standardized tests, because it refers to a mental disease, and we don’t want to traumatize children who might be, or have family members or loved ones who might be sick) of the butthurt.
Today, the problem of language and the war on words (Oh whoops! I mentioned war. That implies violence. Standardized testing eggheads won’t like that either) that is being waged against common sense has gotten out of control.
I obviously cannot talk about “faggot” or “fagot,” which actually means “a bundle of dry sticks or wood” in actual… you know… ENGLISH! That might be insulting to homosexuals! And God and Goddess forbid I use the word “fag” as slang to describe a cigarette!
Recently, my buddy science fiction author Michael Z. Williamson got banned from Facebook for daring to use the word “chigger.” I wouldn’t have believed this was true, and would have demanded more information about this incident, if it wasn’t for the fact that I know Mike personally and have known him for years, so I know this incident to be 100 percent true. It happened not once, but twice, and not just to Mike but to blogger Erin Pallette, whose post said the following:
“I was once niggardly with a jigger full of chiggers. Tigger wanted that jigger with a vigor, but I refused. A Tigger with a jigger full of chiggers is a digger with rigor.” Something like that.
Apparently anything that rhymes with… chigger… is offensive to… um… insects? As Erin pointed out to Facebook – English, Facebook, do you speak it? “Niggardly” is not a racist word, as a brief Googleing would indicate. Kindly grow a sense of humor along with a larger vocabulary.
So, citizens – and I mean citizens, not illegal aliens, who came to this country illegally and are legally not allowed to be here per United State law (I will address you separately) – we’re in an era of political correctness like I’ve never seen before. Bring a “brown bag lunch” and stay a while, because it’s going to be an interesting ride.
In case you were wondering, “brown bag lunch” is offensive, because apparently (and I wouldn’t have known it, being a white person, and therefore racist and all) had been used as a test of skin color to determine whether a person’s skin was light enough to be invited to a party or event. As a rule of thumb (Oops! I used bad phrase that the State Department’s “Chief Diversity Officer” says is offensive, because the phrase emanates from some kind of religious regulation that says you may not beat your wife with a rod any thicker than your thumb), the paper bag test was used by African Americans throughout the twentieth and twenty-first century with reference to a ritual once practiced by certain African-American sororities and fraternities who would not let anyone into the group whose skin tone was darker than a paper bag. So it’s racist and bad, because… wait… what? African Americans used it to judge their own? Hmmmm. Well, then it must be the evil whites’ fault anyway, because we have given black people a full blown generational inferiority complex about their skin color.
Sorry, crackers (not the little crunchy things you eat). No matter what, it’s your fault.
Of course, the brown bag is simply a bag many of us used, and many kids today continue to use to bring their lunch to school – it’s cheap and an easy carry. And the “rule of thumb” refers to using one’s fingers and thumbs as measuring devices. But that’s a small chink in the armor of the PC police (oh, damn, did I just insult Oriental people? I should be fired like those two ESPN employees were last year.
Now, we’re not saying anything has been made illegal (oh, ooops! might be offensive because it refers to undocumented immigrants or something), or that people are being thrown in jail for the use of offensive language… yet. But these little politically correct games are getting old.
Next thing you know we’ll have to call bums “residentially deprived Americans.”
Christians will turn into “oppressors” – plain and simple.
Jews will be “kosher Americans.”
Criminals will simply be known as those who use “alternative means of gaining wealth.”
Hunting will be “animal murder,” and will be outlawed.
Unemployment will be “unpaid leave” – oh wait… that’s my furlough!
Illegal aliens are already “undocumented immigrants.”
Money is the tool of the evil capitalist, so we won’t refer to it at all.
Islamic terrorism can surely be referred to as “workplace violence,” because we can’t insult fundamentalists, can we?
Have I insulted enough of you yet?