I know you’re used to politicians saying stupid things – after all, they’re really the lowest common denominator of human life. Remember Jerrold Nadler saying loudly and proudly that President Obama ought to EXPLOIT the Newtown tragedy to push his gun control agenda? Remember noted Constitutional scholar Nancy Pelosi claiming you have the First Amendment right to own guns? Remember the various antics of the Congressional Black Caucus after the Trayvon Martin shooting?

However, this past week was a marathon of moronery, a bonanza of boneheadedness, a circus of senselessness the likes of which I have rarely seen.

1 – We’ll start with dumbass extraordinaire Colorado Democrat Rep. Joe Salazar, who told women this weekend that they were much too hysterical and emotional to protect themselves with guns. No, really. Because see… they have no way of knowing whether the person they think is following them is actually following them and is going to rape them, or whether it’s someone innocent. And besides, they don’t need guns. That’s why we have rape whistles…

Not. Even. Kidding.

And the leftards accuse the GOP of waging a war against women  for refusing to pay for Sandra Fluke’s condoms? Seriously?

2 – Dumbass extraordinaire zee second is Police Chief Ken James from Emeryville, California (where else?), who had the temerity to claim that a) guns are not defensive weapons, b) police use them as offensive weapons to intimidate and show power and c) police officers don’t carry weapons to defend themselves, but rather to do their job in a “safe and effective manner.”

Not. Even. Kidding.

Nice little tyrant! I guess that whole “protect and serve” thing eludes the chief. And apparently, that whole not drawing their firearms unless threatened thing doesn’t exist in Chief James’ twisted world. And I guess he hasn’t heard of the nearly daily use of firearms to DEFEND LIVES that occurs here in the United States. No. HIS cops only use guns to intimidate. Rather telling, isn’t it?

3 – Then we had the OOOPS! moment from Washington State, where the gun-grabbing neanderthals in the legislature made their intent to confiscate weapons by going door-to-door perfectly clear… perfectly by accident, giving even the leftiest liberal a weak tummy.

“They always say, we’ll never go house to house to take your guns away. But then you see this, and you have to wonder.”

That’s no gun-rights absolutist talking, but Lance Palmer, a Seattle trial lawyer and self-described liberal who brought the troubling Senate Bill 5737 to my attention. It’s the long-awaited assault-weapons ban, introduced last week by three Seattle Democrats.

Responding to the Newtown school massacre, the bill would ban the sale of semi-automatic weapons that use detachable ammunition magazines. Clips that contain more than 10 rounds would be illegal.

But then, with respect to the thousands of weapons like that already owned by Washington residents, the bill says this:

“In order to continue to possess an assault weapon that was legally possessed on the effective date of this section, the person possessing shall … safely and securely store the assault weapon. The sheriff of the county may, no more than once per year, conduct an inspection to ensure compliance with this subsection.”

Not. Even. Kidding.

And they claim it’s a mistake. One leftard, Sen. Adam Kline said he did not know the bill authorized these police searches because he had not read it closely before signing on (Well, Nancy Pelosi says you need to pass the bill to know what’s in it, right?).  This almost deserves a bullet of its own in this gallery of retardery, but since it’s related, I’ll leave it be.

The other shitbag who sponsored this bill claims the provision about door-to-door searches should have never been in there, but he left it in as… oh… something we should strive toward – “a general statement, as a guiding light of where we need to go.”

Really? So, while it’s unconstitutional now, it’s really where we need to be. Got it. Admission of authoritarian swinery noted.

4 – Next up is Colorado’s John Hickenlooper, who believes not just in expanded background checks, but also in forcing the buyer to pay for them, making guns even more prohibitively expensive for poor folks, who may not be living in the safest of neighborhoods and are more likely to need tools of self defense. Why do you hate poor people, Hickeylicker?

I’m lumping another Colorado Dumbshit Dickey Lee Hullinghorst in with Horkenlicker (and not just because they have similarly stupid last names), but because this asshat saw it fit to say the following, “I resent the implication that unless we all arm ourselves we will not be adequately protected.” The thousands of people who use guns every year to protect themselves and their loved ones beg to differ, Dickey.

5 – Then we have the tool I have already mentioned this weekend, but who is worth mentioning again, because of the sheer absurdity of his statements that imply gun rights supporters are corrupt and endanger the public safety, because they support gun rights – all while he collects an exorbitant salary, ostensibly to ensure the safety and security of Chicago’s citizens, but who is a miserable fail at his job. Gerry McCarthy – Chicago Police Superintendent. By that logic, every drooling retard who gave campaign money to his boss Rahm Emanuel and nationally to Barack Obama’s campaign can be labeled corrupt and a danger not just to public safety, because of their support for efforts to disarm innocent citizens and leave them at the mercy of armed thugs Gerry can’t seem to get his police to control, but also because of a wider agenda of economic failure that leads to more crime and despair.

6 – David Frum offers us this “Plan B” on guns, which he says the President should adopt in order to quell gun violence: the Surgeon General should help demonstrate through a study (which I’m sure will not add a single dime to the deficit) that guns are bad for the owner’s health. And frankly, guns should have doohickeys on them that tell the stupid that there’s a bullet thingy inside.

Not. Even. Kidding.

My kids have known the rules of gun safety since they were toddlers, and the first thing they do when they pick up a gun is check to see if there’s a round in the chamber. Apparently, my kids are much smarter than David Frum.

Enjoy. This is the enemy… or enema… you face. If we can’t defeat these losers, the Republic is lost.