Nuff Said

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funny facebook fails - Typical...

h/t: Failbook

I have a question

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Just how disgustingly, nauseatingly, morbidly obese and gargantuan do you have to be to fit an entire mink coat in your underwear?  Granted, it was a “short” mink coat, but it’s still a COAT!  An entire coat!  In her bloomers!


A 46-year-old woman has pleaded guilty to stealing a mink coat from a Twin Cities store and then hiding the coat in her underwear.

For three days.

And now for the juvenile in me…

You knew this was coming…

So just sit back and enjoy the ride…

When it was finally retrieved, did it smell like beaver?

*rimshot

Happy Wednesday!

Screw your rules and regulations!

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Yet another national socialist homeowners association trying to tell yet another veteran that he cannot fly the American flag in his own yard, after he risked his life defending it.

It’s bad enough they’re trying to prevent Fred Quigley from honoring his nation by flying the flag on his own property, but get this… They’ve got their panties in a twist because he DIDN’T ASK PERMISSION.

Not even shitting you!


[Joseph] Migliorini [who represents the homeowners association] said residents are allowed to place flagpoles on their homes, but need permission to install a flagpole in their yard.

And worse yet…  the ungrateful shitbags in his neighborhood are expressing concern.  Concern? About a man who served his nation and earned the right to fly the flag on his own goddamn property?  Yes, apparently, it’s more important for them to see the national socialist homeowners association rules blindly followed than respect the right of a military veteran to fly the flag of the nation he fought for and loves.

Many residents said they are concerned about the flagpole in Quigley’s yard because it does not adhere to their association’s rules.

This is why I will never own another home, and if I do lose my mind and decide to purchase one, I will never purchase one that is within reach of a homeowners association.

Spread this far and wide.  Support Mr. Quigley!

Yes, I’m immature

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And yes, I got a perverse pleasure from saying the word “Weiner” several times daily and making myself giggle.

Don’t judge me!

Speak English!

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I came to this country in 1980 with my family. I was just a kid, but my parents’ first priority was to teach me English and learn English themselves, so they could find employment and become productive members of the American society. They came here legally – after a long journey from the USSR, through Austria and Italy, having filled out reams of paperwork and paid a lot of money to be allowed to come to this country.

Now, meet this cockbag.  He’s been in this country nearly as long as my parents and I have.  And for some reason, he hasn’t felt he needed to learn the language.  He was busy agitating against Americans’ insistence that immigrants come here legally, pay taxes and become productive members of society, instead of sneaking across the border, working for cash, putting a strain on our infrastructure and committing crimes.




Antolin Aguirre of the Austin Immigrant Rights Coalition was testifying against Senate Bill 9 that would help crack down on illegal immigrants in Texas. Aguirre spoke through an interpreter even though he had been in the U.S. since 1988.

Two minutes into Antolin Aguirre’s testimony, Sen. Chris Harris, a Republican from Arlington, interrupted asking Aguirre’s interrupter, “Did I understand him correctly that he has been here since 1988?” Harris asked. “Why aren’t you speaking in English then?”

Through his interpreter, Aguirre said Spanish is his “first language and since it is his first time giving testimony he would rather do it in Spanish.”

“It is insulting to us,” Sen. Harris fired back. “It is very insulting. And if he knows English, he needs to be speaking in English.”

Bravo, Senator Harris!

This Antolin Aguirre guy has been in the United States for 23 years. He’s a business owner in Texas, so apparently he knew enough English to establish himself in this society, raise a family, open a business and even agitate on behalf of illegal aliens.  But he doesn’t feel it necessary to speak the language of this country in front of an elected body.  It’s not that he can’t. He won’t.

He came to this country, took advantage of the opportunities America afforded him, made a life for himself, but apparently felt he didn’t have to respect his elected representatives by speaking to them in the language overwhelmingly spoken in this country and used for official proceedings.

Speak English, dildo!

Just remember

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A marten is a member of the weasel family.

You should know this next time a guy wielding a dead weasel busts into your home looking for his girlfriend (who must be obviously desperate and ugly if she would actually consider dating a guy who assaults strangers with dead weasels), so you can ensure you use the proper nomenclature when you ask him what the flying fuck he’s doing attacking you while carrying a dead weasel.

 Police say a man was carrying a dead weasel when he burst into an apartment and assaulted a man in Washington state.

The victim asked, “Why are you carrying a weasel?” Police said the attacker answered, “It’s not a weasel, it’s a marten,” then punched him in the nose and fled.

The attacker was apparently looking for his girlfriend and had gone to her former boyfriend’s apartment Monday where the victim was a guest.

Herman Cain? No Thanks.

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Ever since the first GOP debate, a number of conservatives have been having collective orgasms over Herman Cain.  On the surface, he seems like a great guy and an even better potential candidate.

He’s a businessman.
He knows how to create jobs.
He’s a true conservative who will cut government spending.
He talks tough on defense.
He’s all about the free market.
He’s a social conservative, pro-family, anti-abortion, blah… blah… blah…

Yeah, OK.

Time to take a closer look at Herman Cain.  As much as I’ve enjoyed him the couple of times I’ve heard him on the radio, his preachy, revivalist-type rhetoric has not sat well with me.  And while I’m sure conservatives are drooling all over themselves to support Mr. Cain and to show themselves as not racist (if you somehow missed it, Herman Cain is, in fact, black), I am wary of the collective climax they’re heaving over him.  Too similar to the panting adoration they exhibited for Sarah Palin as soon as she burst onto the political scene – without so much as a glance at her record and what she stands for.

So I’m here to inject a bit of reality into the conservatives’ wet dream that is Herman Cain.

Herman Cain loved him some TARP.  And bailouts are apparently good policy intended to solve a problem.  Apparently it’s OK to erode the free market in order to save some big banks and use taxpayer dollars to do it.


Wake up people! Owning a part of the major banks in America is not a bad thing. We could make a profit while solving a problem.

Yea, it is a bad thing, if we the People are being FORCED by the government to invest in a venture in which we would normally not invest (and hence, the need for a bailout in the first place).

Earth to taxpayers! Owning stocks in banks is not nationalization of the
banking industry. It’s trying to solve a problem.

It IS nationalization if the government is using taxpayer dollars to bail out the banking industry. 

Herman Cain loved him some Mitt Romney, despite RomneyCare, and despite Romney’s “moderate” (that’s what they call Second Amendment cowards, who claim to support the right to keep Arms, and yet voice backing for onerous legislation such as the “assault” weapons ban, without actually knowing what an “assault weapon” is.

If Herman Cain is a “political outsider,” I’m a cocaine-sniffing marmoset.

A former chairman of Federal Reserve Bank of Kansas City and senior adviser to the 1996 presidential campaign of Republicans Bob Dole and Jack Kemp, Cain has regularly opened his wallet for political allies, and he even operates his own political action committee, called the Hermanator PAC.

Just because one hasn’t been elected to public office, doesn’t mean they’re not a big-government insider.  A restaurant lobby insider and his tenure at the Kansas City Fed make him less of an outsider and more of a big-government leech, despite his loud protestations to the contrary.  And since he does not support even a simple audit of the Fed – an entity that has a critical role to play in our fiscal policy, but absolutely no oversight – and doesn’t feel the Fed needs to be held accountable to the people, I’d say his status as an “outsider” is further suspect.

And finally gun control.  Herman Cain has stated loudly and proudly his belief that states and localities have the right to infringe on citizens’ right to keep and bear arms.

Don’t believe me?

Never mind that Herman Cain is completely ignorant on the topic of incorporation – you know – that process that applies portions of the Bill of Rights to the states.  That the Second Amendment protected the right to keep and bear arms from infringement not just by the federal government, but also state and local governments was never a question in my mind, but in McDonald v. Chicago, that principle has been upheld by the highest court in the land. 

What part of “shall not be infringed” is not clear to Herman Cain?

And by the way, on the subject of abortion…

I would never have one.  I doubt I could ever have one.  And I don’t believe this topic should be the purview of the federal government.  However, Herman Cain believes that a woman should be forced to act as an incubator for her rapist’s offspring, and to me, that’s as morally abhorrent as those women who would choose to end their pregnancies as a means of birth control.  Herman Cain apparently believes that a corrupt politician in DC (see such scum as Anthony Weiner, who can’t seem to keep Weiner Jr. off the Internet, “Diaper Dave” Vitter and others with about as much scruples as a cat in heat) should be allowed to force a 14 year old victim of rape or incest to carry her attacker’s seed to term. 

While I realize that is likely a small percentage of situations in which women get abortions, it is a viable one, and for Herman Cain to oppose the procedure in this case, and further terrorize the victim, is ethically repugnant.

In my humble opinion, Herman Cain has time and again proven himself to be nothing but a RINO and a traitor to the very freedoms he claims to want to protect and respect as President of the United States.

No thanks.

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