Happy fucking holidays, shitbag!

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People like this really bug me!  Honestly, I think if Christ was walking the earth right now, he’d bitchslap Dale until his nose bled.

As I said to my friend Kim on Facebook, my reply would have been:

My insensitivity toward your Sky Elf is outmatched only by your classlessness toward my sincere good will toward all men, even noxious fuckbags like you.

The Burning Stupid of Bob Marshall (with gratuitous use of the word “penis” – a lot)

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Seriously… this dildo gives Virginians, Republicans, conservatives and Christians a bad name.  He’s so blisteringly retarded, I’m surprised he’s not trying to construct scripture out of M&Ms!

This is the same tard who claimed that disabled children were divine retribution for abortion!  I’d like for him to say that to Sarah Palin’s face and see how quickly she sticks her fist down his gullet.

This is also the same assbag who decided to challenge the repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in the military because he’s afraid someone might catch a GHEY disease that will prompt them to run around and decorate the foxhole, or that they might be staring at his rump, hoping to use it as a fuck toy .

Now, I ask you…. If you were a gay guy in the military, would you ever actually want to stick your penis into this?

Now I ask this hypothetically, because Bob Marshall has never served in the military – not on active duty, and not in the National Guard.  And yet, he sees it fit to challenge the repeal of a downright stupid policy, because his Catholic Sky Elf thinks gayness is baaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Why? Because Bob is a frothing fundamentalist fruitcake who likes to impose his religious agenda on the entire state.

For instance, did you know that according to Bob, providing emergency contraception to college students (you know – in case one of them gets fucking raped or something) will turn women into “chemical Love Canals for frat house playboys“?  Because it’s much better to force a rape victim to bear her rapist’s baby.  Why don’t we stone them for sex out of wedlock while we’re at it?

Did you know that Bob also fought to prevent single women from getting artificial insemination and other means of getting pregnant without a penis present?

This is obviously a man who is very obsessed with penis. He has centered his very life around penis. He’s not only afraid of penis being anywhere near him in a warzone, but at the same time, he wants to force penis on a woman who might not be so keen on penis to force her to accept penis if she wants to procreate.  Because, you see – penis + penis = bad, according to Bob.  So is penis + ass.  But penis + vagina is good!  As a matter of fact, the penis + vagina equation should be encouraged and even forced upon women, regardless of rape or desire!  If women want children, penis should be involved. And if women don’t want children from a penis that was imposed on them by force, they should be forced to bear them anyway. Because penis + vagina = good.

Now, I’m all for penis + vagina.  I’m not saying penis + vagina = bad.  Penis + vagina is quite good, actually.  What I’m saying is that penis + vagina being good does not preclude other penis combinations from being good as well.

At this point, I just want to see how many times I can use the word “penis” in one blog post.  but back to the original topic…

Bob Marshall is so terrified of penis, he’s actually trying to ban gays from serving in the Virginia National Guard.

“This policy will weaken military recruitment and retention, and will increase pressure for a military draft,” Marshall said. “After 232 years of prohibiting active, open homosexuals from enlisting in our military, President Obama and a majority in Congress are conducting a social experiment with our troops and our national security…In countries where religions and cultures find homosexual acts immoral, the Obama administration’s repeal policy will work to the detriment of all American troops in securing local cooperation with our nation’s foreign policy goals.”

Well, from what I’ve seen, many nations that have entered the 21st century and that are considered at least somewhat developed allow gays to serve in their armed forces, including Canada, Australia, Germany, the Netherlands, France, Israel and the United Kingdom.  The troops from these nations serve freely and honorably side-by-side in the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) in Afghanistan with service members from nations that don’t allow homosexuals to serve openly.  I haven’t heard of any problems or clashes because of the immorality of Teh Gheys™.

The only countries that REALLY dislike homosexuals and would likely have major religious and cultural issues with gay troops to the point where cooperation will be impacted are… well… Muslim.  (Although, apparently using small boys for sexual gratification is accepted and encouraged, because vagina is dirty, while penis is clean, which should also conflict with Bob’s “no penis+penis” agenda).   Is Bob claiming that we should cater to Muslim prejudices? 

In other words, this guy is such a dildo, he’s making my eyes cross.

But in all seriousness… look…

There are many folks who do not approve of homosexual behavior. They find it aberrant and immoral.  OK.  That is their right and their choice.  There are also many people who find adultery and alcohol consumption immoral.  And yet, no one boots Soldiers out of the Army for getting drunk.  And while I’ve heard of a few Soldiers getting booted for adultery, it generally was exacerbated by fraternization and other violations.

But again…

Beside the point.

We all know gays are already serving honorably in the military. I have known plenty of them. We all knew. No one cared. They did their job, and that’s that.  I seriously doubt the repeal of this policy will prompt any troops to bust out of the closet wearing a corset and a feather boa while belting out Ethel Merman tunes.  While there are some who are out on a mission to further “gay rights,” most of the homosexuals I’ve known in the military just want to serve their country without fear that someone will find out whom they’re banging on a Friday night and have them booted out of the military.  It will also allow damn good Soldiers, Airmen, Seamen (please, no sperm jokes!) and Marines to actually have a social life outside their job without getting punished for it.

Will there be health coverage for gay couples who actually got married (in states that allow that sort of thing)? I imagine so.

Will there be health coverage for gay girlfriends and boyfriends? No.  Same as for straight ones.

Will gays start hitting on their fellow troops in the shower as soon as they’re allowed to come out of the military closet?  I doubt that.  a) You ain’t that pretty, Joe, and b) most of them have more impulse control than that.

Will the armed forces have to approve of gay public displays of affection? Likely not, since straight displays of affection in uniform are not allowed either. Besides, what is this “approve” shit?

As far as I’m concerned, as long as you do your job and have my back in a firefight, I don’t give a flying rat’s ass whom you bang in your spare time!

And for those screeching about morale and claiming there will be a mass exodus from the military, and even encouraging them to do so (Yes, you Bob!  And yes, you, Farah!), you’re doing the military and this nation a great disservice. Cassy has a very rational blog post on the issue, even though she and I fundamentally disagree about the repeal.  The military may not like it, but we will adjust fire. We always do.  And we will do so honorably and without unnecessary drama propagated by the likes of Farah and Bob.

Give us some credit, people!

And Bob… STFU.

Really Random (rapid fire) Reflections

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I don’t have a whole lot of time to write today, but I need to get these off my brain…

Since when is Internet access a civil right???

Has anyone else noticed that the vast majority of people who oppose the repeal of DADT are worried about Teh Gheys™ accosting them in the shower or hitting on them?  Guys! Really! I’d guarantee most of you aren’t all that hot. Don’t flatter yourselves!

Learned today al Qaida terrorists were thinking of poisoning US salad bars.  Have they seen our general obese population? What makes them think we eat salad?

I had a WTF moment when climate change lunatics claimed that record cold and snow in the UK is due to global warming.  Apparently global warming is responsible for cold, heat, humidity, rain, snow, sunshine and the rumors about Oprah being a lesbian.

Nearly done

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I’ve been under the weather lately, fighting an annoying snot-filled bug that just doesn’t seem to want to go away, so my reading has been slow.  Nonetheless, I’ve been reading Mike Williamson‘s “Do Unto Others” for the past few weeks, and I have to say it’s GOOOOD.  I’ll post a full review when I’m actually finished with the novel, but I can honestly say you’ll enjoy it (although, I guarantee that even if you get it autographed by the author, your inscription will be much less colorful, inventive and smartassy than mine!).

For those of you who enjoyed Freehold (my review of it can be found here), you’ll see Mike’s writing as more grown-up and flowing these days. I recently reread his first book, and I can see how his writing style has matured. And as much as I loved Freehold (I was one of the first to read and appreciate it, I think), Mike’s writing is getting better and better with age.

(I don’t mean you’re getting old Mike!  OK… maybe a little. he he)

So go and read it.  You’ll love it.  Trust me.

Hey, wheres MY blog?

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I didn’t make the rightwingnews.com’s 40 Best Conservative Blogs for 2010 (not that I particularly expected to, since I didn’t even realize it existed) list, but my friend Cara Ellison did!

Kudos to Cara!

Go read her blog.  Here’s why:

She’s smart.
She’s sassy.
She’s funny.
She doesn’t use quite as much invective as I do, and that will make her relatively SFW.
She’s my friend.

And because I said so.

Just say NO

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What IS it with this society? How did we go from a self-sufficient, independent, strong people to a bunch of mamby-pamby nanny statist asshats who are too insipidly weak to assert themselves and would prefer the nanny state to do it for them?

Case in point: Mother of two from California (where else?) who is too pathetically weak to tell her precious little punkins “NO!” when they begin to whine for the grease and salt offered by McDonalds.  She can’t stand listening to them beg and plead for Happy Meals, so what does she do? She brings a lawsuit!

A mother of two from Sacramento, Calif., says that McDonald’s uses toys as bait to induce her kids to clamor to go to McDonald’s and to develop a preference for nutritionally poor Happy Meals. With the help of the Center for Science in the Public Interest, today the mom, Monet Parham, is filing a class action lawsuit aimed at stopping McDonald’s use of toys to market directly to young children. The suit will be filed in California Superior Court in San Francisco shortly after the court opens for business Wednesday morning.

According to Parham, the main reason her six-year-old daughter, Maya, asks to go to McDonald’s is to get toys based on Barbie, i-Carly, Shrek, or Strawberry Shortcake. The food seems almost beside the point to the kids, says Parham, because the toy monopolizes the attention of Maya and her two-year-old sister Lauryn.

So here’s a clue, you tedious imbecile: TRY TURNING OFF THE DAMN TELEVISION AND SAYING “NO” EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE TO YOUR WHINING CROTCHFRUIT!

Seriously. What the hell have we become? This is a society of parents who sit their kids in front of the TV, pay no attention to what they watch, don’t spend any actual quality time with their children, and then wonder why they clamor for every stupid thing they see in commercials on the idiot box!

And then, instead of taking a little responsibility for their kids (because God and Goddess forbid they actually act like parents, instead of third-grade buddies), they bring suit against perfectly legitimate businesses for taking advantage of a marketing opportunity!

McDonald’s, while not healthy, is a viable alternative to a lot of working parents who don’t always have the time or money to afford more expensive, quick options.  Not saying it’s terrific food – it’s not. Last time I had it, I remember a distinct styrofoam-like taste. I don’t like it, and neither do my kids. As a matter of fact, the last time the Redhead had anything from McDonald’s he projectile hurled spectacularly into the kitchen sink!  But hey – many kids like it, and the toys are an added incentive for them to ask. It’s not poisonous. It’s not a killer. It’s food. Not great food, but food!  So why is it that this company should be prevented from marketing it to its primary demographic?

Because drooling crotchmonkeys like Monet Parham want their kids to eat right and be healthy without the inconvenience of having to do anything difficult about it, such as… you know… force the kids away from the boob tube and respond in the negative when they begin to whine for fast food.


“I am concerned about the health of my children and feel that McDonald’s should be a very limited part of their diet and their childhood experience,” Parham said. “But as other busy, working moms and dads know, we have to say ‘no’ to our young children so many times, and McDonald’s makes that so much harder to do. I object to the fact that McDonald’s is getting into my kids’ heads without my permission and actually changing what my kids want to eat.”

So get this… she wants her kids to eat healthy, but she doesn’t want to say “No,” to them, because it’s HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD!

Guess what, bitch!  Parenting is hard. It’s not an easy job that just anyone can do, even though the world’s biggest dipshits are currently spreading their seed and producing fuck trophies like it’s going out of style!  Parenting is difficult. It means taking responsibility for your children and telling them “NO,” when you feel their demands aren’t in their best interest. You’re their parent, not their goddamn friend!  Accept and deal with it!

You know, I’d be willing to bet that if this dildo ever actually bothered to turn off the TV, and spend a little time with her children, instead of allowing the commercials to dictate her kids’ wants and needs, it would make it a lot easier to resist fast food ads!  McDonald’s isn’t getting into her kids’ heads without permission. She’s GIVING them permission by allowing them to continuously watch television!

Get them out of the house. Buy them bikes, roller blades, a trampoline or simply go for a hike with them, or even play a game in the house, and I’ll bet their little faces won’t light up as much when they see a McDonald’s!

A vomit-inducing combination

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If you’ve ever seen Keith Olbermann’s insane, spew-inducing, venom-filled rantings, you know that even if your intent is to just ridicule this dildo, you can only take his shit in small doses.  There are times when I just want to see what Olbermann is spewing about on any given day, but frankly, I can’t get through more than a minute of his show.  Keith Olbermann and drain hair evoke similar gagging.

Now, combine the froth-flecked diatribes of Olbermann and the corpulent, flabby, hirsute, unshowered, blithering tub of Marxist propaganda Michael Moore, and you have real entertainment that will make leftards combust in spontaneous orgasms and those of us who are normal heave our Raisin Bran.

Keep that warning in mind when you watch this video, as Moore tries to explain why he’s defending Julian Assange.

For those of you who are having trouble accessing the video (I can see it in edit form, but for some reason it’s not showing up on the actual site for me – not sure what’s up), you will find it here.

Yes, that Assange. The same Assange whose ultimate goal is not truth or justice, but anarchy and chaos. The same Assange who is so arrogant, he believes his destructive mission justifies all kinds of chaos, including deaths of thousands.

Of course, it’s no wonder that the Marxist Beast supports Assange. He is, after all, the biggest (and I don’t mean just in size, although Michael Moore is fat – no denying that one) communist around.  Communists and socialists thrive on anarchy.  That’s how they rise to power. That’s how they gain control. When anarchy reigns supreme and people are rioting on the streets, killing one another, they claim free market failure and step in to fill the void.  They promise order. They promise strength through collectivism and an end to the people’s misery.  So is it ANY wonder that Moore supports Assange’s ultimate goal?

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