Happy fucking holidays, shitbag!

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People like this really bug me!  Honestly, I think if Christ was walking the earth right now, he’d bitchslap Dale until his nose bled.

As I said to my friend Kim on Facebook, my reply would have been:

My insensitivity toward your Sky Elf is outmatched only by your classlessness toward my sincere good will toward all men, even noxious fuckbags like you.

The Burning Stupid of Bob Marshall (with gratuitous use of the word “penis” – a lot)

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Seriously… this dildo gives Virginians, Republicans, conservatives and Christians a bad name.  He’s so blisteringly retarded, I’m surprised he’s not trying to construct scripture out of M&Ms!

This is the same tard who claimed that disabled children were divine retribution for abortion!  I’d like for him to say that to Sarah Palin’s face and see how quickly she sticks her fist down his gullet.

This is also the same assbag who decided to challenge the repeal of the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy in the military because he’s afraid someone might catch a GHEY disease that will prompt them to run around and decorate the foxhole, or that they might be staring at his rump, hoping to use it as a fuck toy .

Now, I ask you…. If you were a gay guy in the military, would you ever actually want to stick your penis into this?

Now I ask this hypothetically, because Bob Marshall has never served in the military – not on active duty, and not in the National Guard.  And yet, he sees it fit to challenge the repeal of a downright stupid policy, because his Catholic Sky Elf thinks gayness is baaaaaaaaaaaaaad! Why? Because Bob is a frothing fundamentalist fruitcake who likes to impose his religious agenda on the entire state.

For instance, did you know that according to Bob, providing emergency contraception to college students (you know – in case one of them gets fucking raped or something) will turn women into “chemical Love Canals for frat house playboys“?  Because it’s much better to force a rape victim to bear her rapist’s baby.  Why don’t we stone them for sex out of wedlock while we’re at it?

Did you know that Bob also fought to prevent single women from getting artificial insemination and other means of getting pregnant without a penis present?

This is obviously a man who is very obsessed with penis. He has centered his very life around penis. He’s not only afraid of penis being anywhere near him in a warzone, but at the same time, he wants to force penis on a woman who might not be so keen on penis to force her to accept penis if she wants to procreate.  Because, you see – penis + penis = bad, according to Bob.  So is penis + ass.  But penis + vagina is good!  As a matter of fact, the penis + vagina equation should be encouraged and even forced upon women, regardless of rape or desire!  If women want children, penis should be involved. And if women don’t want children from a penis that was imposed on them by force, they should be forced to bear them anyway. Because penis + vagina = good.

Now, I’m all for penis + vagina.  I’m not saying penis + vagina = bad.  Penis + vagina is quite good, actually.  What I’m saying is that penis + vagina being good does not preclude other penis combinations from being good as well.

At this point, I just want to see how many times I can use the word “penis” in one blog post.  but back to the original topic…

Bob Marshall is so terrified of penis, he’s actually trying to ban gays from serving in the Virginia National Guard.

“This policy will weaken military recruitment and retention, and will increase pressure for a military draft,” Marshall said. “After 232 years of prohibiting active, open homosexuals from enlisting in our military, President Obama and a majority in Congress are conducting a social experiment with our troops and our national security…In countries where religions and cultures find homosexual acts immoral, the Obama administration’s repeal policy will work to the detriment of all American troops in securing local cooperation with our nation’s foreign policy goals.”

Well, from what I’ve seen, many nations that have entered the 21st century and that are considered at least somewhat developed allow gays to serve in their armed forces, including Canada, Australia, Germany, the Netherlands, France, Israel and the United Kingdom.  The troops from these nations serve freely and honorably side-by-side in the International Security Assistance Force (ISAF) in Afghanistan with service members from nations that don’t allow homosexuals to serve openly.  I haven’t heard of any problems or clashes because of the immorality of Teh Gheys™.

The only countries that REALLY dislike homosexuals and would likely have major religious and cultural issues with gay troops to the point where cooperation will be impacted are… well… Muslim.  (Although, apparently using small boys for sexual gratification is accepted and encouraged, because vagina is dirty, while penis is clean, which should also conflict with Bob’s “no penis+penis” agenda).   Is Bob claiming that we should cater to Muslim prejudices? 

In other words, this guy is such a dildo, he’s making my eyes cross.

But in all seriousness… look…

There are many folks who do not approve of homosexual behavior. They find it aberrant and immoral.  OK.  That is their right and their choice.  There are also many people who find adultery and alcohol consumption immoral.  And yet, no one boots Soldiers out of the Army for getting drunk.  And while I’ve heard of a few Soldiers getting booted for adultery, it generally was exacerbated by fraternization and other violations.

But again…

Beside the point.

We all know gays are already serving honorably in the military. I have known plenty of them. We all knew. No one cared. They did their job, and that’s that.  I seriously doubt the repeal of this policy will prompt any troops to bust out of the closet wearing a corset and a feather boa while belting out Ethel Merman tunes.  While there are some who are out on a mission to further “gay rights,” most of the homosexuals I’ve known in the military just want to serve their country without fear that someone will find out whom they’re banging on a Friday night and have them booted out of the military.  It will also allow damn good Soldiers, Airmen, Seamen (please, no sperm jokes!) and Marines to actually have a social life outside their job without getting punished for it.

Will there be health coverage for gay couples who actually got married (in states that allow that sort of thing)? I imagine so.

Will there be health coverage for gay girlfriends and boyfriends? No.  Same as for straight ones.

Will gays start hitting on their fellow troops in the shower as soon as they’re allowed to come out of the military closet?  I doubt that.  a) You ain’t that pretty, Joe, and b) most of them have more impulse control than that.

Will the armed forces have to approve of gay public displays of affection? Likely not, since straight displays of affection in uniform are not allowed either. Besides, what is this “approve” shit?

As far as I’m concerned, as long as you do your job and have my back in a firefight, I don’t give a flying rat’s ass whom you bang in your spare time!

And for those screeching about morale and claiming there will be a mass exodus from the military, and even encouraging them to do so (Yes, you Bob!  And yes, you, Farah!), you’re doing the military and this nation a great disservice. Cassy has a very rational blog post on the issue, even though she and I fundamentally disagree about the repeal.  The military may not like it, but we will adjust fire. We always do.  And we will do so honorably and without unnecessary drama propagated by the likes of Farah and Bob.

Give us some credit, people!

And Bob… STFU.

Really Random (rapid fire) Reflections

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I don’t have a whole lot of time to write today, but I need to get these off my brain…

Since when is Internet access a civil right???

Has anyone else noticed that the vast majority of people who oppose the repeal of DADT are worried about Teh Gheys™ accosting them in the shower or hitting on them?  Guys! Really! I’d guarantee most of you aren’t all that hot. Don’t flatter yourselves!

Learned today al Qaida terrorists were thinking of poisoning US salad bars.  Have they seen our general obese population? What makes them think we eat salad?

I had a WTF moment when climate change lunatics claimed that record cold and snow in the UK is due to global warming.  Apparently global warming is responsible for cold, heat, humidity, rain, snow, sunshine and the rumors about Oprah being a lesbian.

Nearly done

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I’ve been under the weather lately, fighting an annoying snot-filled bug that just doesn’t seem to want to go away, so my reading has been slow.  Nonetheless, I’ve been reading Mike Williamson‘s “Do Unto Others” for the past few weeks, and I have to say it’s GOOOOD.  I’ll post a full review when I’m actually finished with the novel, but I can honestly say you’ll enjoy it (although, I guarantee that even if you get it autographed by the author, your inscription will be much less colorful, inventive and smartassy than mine!).

For those of you who enjoyed Freehold (my review of it can be found here), you’ll see Mike’s writing as more grown-up and flowing these days. I recently reread his first book, and I can see how his writing style has matured. And as much as I loved Freehold (I was one of the first to read and appreciate it, I think), Mike’s writing is getting better and better with age.

(I don’t mean you’re getting old Mike!  OK… maybe a little. he he)

So go and read it.  You’ll love it.  Trust me.

Hey, wheres MY blog?

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I didn’t make the rightwingnews.com’s 40 Best Conservative Blogs for 2010 (not that I particularly expected to, since I didn’t even realize it existed) list, but my friend Cara Ellison did!

Kudos to Cara!

Go read her blog.  Here’s why:

She’s smart.
She’s sassy.
She’s funny.
She doesn’t use quite as much invective as I do, and that will make her relatively SFW.
She’s my friend.

And because I said so.

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