In general, Internet scammers are the lowest form of swine. They prey on the weak – often the elderly and frightened – as well as desperate, lonely people looking for friendship, love and some sort of connection in this relatively new online world. They promise love, riches and a future, and many people, anxious to find an easy solution to their desperate situation fall for their scams.
I normally like to mess with these losers. As a general rule, they’re not particularly smart. They pretend to be lawyers, doctors, Americans stranded in third-world shitholes and other such despairing souls. They use piss poor English, even as they claim to be professionals. They use goofy email addresses – some as simple as Yahoo! mail – others a bit more sophisticated, but still discernible as frauds to anyone with an IQ above room temperature and a cursory knowledge of the Internet. And because they’re generally not smart, they’re easily manipulated, their minds clouded by their greed and dreams of riches at the expense of their stupid American victims.
Ergo, it becomes somewhat of a silly game to see what it is you can make them do with just a mere promise of a payout.
A few years ago, I was contacted by some toerag from some African shithole, claiming to be a desperate American woman, dying of AIDS in Africa, who was trying to find a suitable home for her two children, who would be orphaned sooner than later as her condition went from bad to worse. Being the parent of two adopted kids, I was immediately intrigued and appalled by the gall of this bastard, and decided to play a little game with him. Over the course of two weeks, I led him to an inevitable Internet demise, but not before obtaining his signature on a “contract” that forced him to do unspeakable things to monkeys. Luckily, my friend, author Michael Z. Williamson meticulously documented the exchange and posted it on his website as an example of the twisted company he keeps.
How twisted? Well, you can read for yourself. But just to give you a taste, I got the scammer to send me a copy of his “passport”…
And I got him to sign a contract stating the following…
- Sucking the penis of a hairy rhesus monkey
- Getting large objects shoved up your ass and getting sexually abused with whips and chains
- Giving me a large sum of money – however much I want
Yes, I actually got a scammer to agree to send ME money, and in the end, I explained to him exactly with whom he was dealing and what he had agreed to do for me.
Does anyone really ever fall for the “I’m a poor widow with AIDS and Iwant you to adopt my children and take my fortune” scam? If they do,they must be even more stupid than you are, and that’s quite anaccomplishment, I have to tell you!
See, no person IN THEIR RIGHT MIND would give up her children to astranger over the internet after contacting them through email. Younever know what kind of pervert or scumbag would grab your children andsell them into sexual slavery for three bucks. And no person with evenhalf a brain would actually transfer money to some greedy dickwad posingas a lawyer whose knowledge of the language is so bad, he wouldactually sign a contract that compels him to suck off a monkey. Butmaybe you like that kind of stuff — I don’t know.
Over the years, there have been others who have done similar things to Nigerian scammers. This guy in particular was very adept at it. But as in everything else in life, the scammers adapted. They changed their tactics and targeted different prey: lonely women looking for dates on the Internet.
A few weeks ago, I received an email from a reader requesting my help in convincing her mother that the guy she was having an online romance with was a scammer and a fraud. This lonely lady had already sent him a laptop, but as usual, the requests for gifts didn’t stop there. I warned the daughter that her mother was playing a dangerous game with someone who claimed to be a United States Soldier.
No, I’m not even kidding.
These fetid boils on the ass of humanity are now pretending to be US troops overseas in Iraq or Afghanistan, playing on the sympathies and patriotic emotions of lonely women, and scamming them out of time, money and gifts.
They would e-mail each other for days. He sent romantic poems and even provided pictures, but when he asked her for money, she knew she had been sucked into a scam.
First, she noticed red flags, like the poor English he used. “Some of the words were not spelled correctly; the use of grammar was not totally there,” she added.
She said the second red flag were his so-called needs. “He kept mentioning that they didn’t have access to funds at the base,” she said.
Finally, she grew even more suspicious when he asked her to send money so he could purchase a satellite phone to stay in touch.
Personally, I can imagine nothing lower.
We all love our troops – courageous service members who sacrifice everything to protect our freedoms, who deploy to dangerous areas, far away from their friends and loved ones. Combine these feelings of affection and trust for our military with an aching loneliness and desire to find someone to love, and you have a perfect recipe for scammer prey.
So please take this blog post as a warning and tell single women you know to look for red flags. I do realize sites like Match.com and eHarmony and a whole host of others that have popped up in recent years are the new bar scene of the millennium, and they have brought numerous couples together and helped them find happiness in one another. These sites are no worse or better than the bars scene, but whereas you can look someone in the eyes in a bar and sometimes tell if they’re being deceptive or if they just give you the wrong vibe, no such thing can be discerned on the Internet.
These “Soldiers” are NOT Soldiers, people! Even in the crappiest shithole, we still have access to money and communications! No official military address ends with a .com or a .us. Keep your wits about you if you’re communicating with someone online, and don’t let them fool you into believing you’re supporting United States service members. You’re not. You’re supporting the foulest of swine who have no problem taking advantage of your love and respect for the military and your desire to find a soulmate.
And while I on occasion have my fun messing with the scammers, these are the types who do not deserve even the slightest bit of hope or fun. When they start impersonating American heroes in order to take advantage of lonely women, the only thing they deserve is a metal chair to the face and a stint in a Nigerian prison getting cluefucked by diseased criminals.
Do us all a favor and pass this on as a warning.