So my shoulder is healing nicely. I’m now able to do all the exercises assigned for physical therapy with little discomfort, and I’ve tossed the BIG pain pills in favor of Ibuprofen (or as we commonly refer to it in the military, GI Candy). I still have to take sleeping pills at night, but that’s mostly because the doctor is forcing me to wear the world’s most uncomfortable sling that usually winds up nearly strangling me in the middle of the night, not because I’m having problems sleeping due to pain.
But I’m going stir crazy in this house. I just realized that my follow-up appointment is on Friday, not on Thursday, and while that may sound like nothing – only a day’s difference – to me that’s another day trapped in the house until the doctor clears me to drive! So I’m passing the time watching old episodes of Lost (I’m currently in the middle of Season 1, and I think Locke is a pedantic fuck) and taking naps… lots and lots of naps.
Thank the Great Pumpkin for friends such as Mikie who saw it fit to send me this little tidbit just to cheer me up!
BBC News – Muslim suicide bombers in Britain are set to begin a
three-day strike on Monday in a dispute over the number of virgins they
are entitled to in the afterlife. Emergency talks with Al Qaeda have so
far failed to produce an agreement.
The unrest began last Tuesday when Al Qaeda announced that the number of
virgins a suicide bomber would receive after his death would be cut by
25% this February from 72 to 60. A company spokesman said increases in
recent years in the number of suicide bombings has resulted in a
shortage of virgins in the afterlife.
The suicide bombers’ union, the British Organization of Occupational
Martyrs (B.O.O.M.) responded with a statement saying the move was
unacceptable to its members and called for a strike vote. General
Secretary Abdullah Amir told the press, “Our members are literally
working themselves to death in the cause of Jihad. We don’t ask for much
in return, but to be treated like this is like a kick in the teeth”.
Speaking from his shed in Tipton in the West Midlands, Al Qaeda chief
executive Osama bin Laden explained, “I sympathize with our workers’
concerns, but Al Qaeda is simply not in a position to meet their
demands. They are simply not accepting the realities of modern-day Jihad
in a competitive marketplace. Thanks to Western depravity, there is now
a chronic shortage of virgins in the afterlife. It’s a straight choice
between reducing expenditures or laying people (I mean laying people off) . I don’t like cutting
benefits, but I’d hate to have to tell 3,000 of my staff that they won’t
be able to blow themselves up.”
Spokespersons for the union in the North East of England, Ireland,
Wales, and the entire Australian continent stated that the change would
not hurt their membership as there are few virgins in their areas
According to some industry sources, the recent drop in the number of
suicide bombings has been attributed to the emergence of Scottish
singing star, Susan Boyle. Many Muslim jihadists now know what a virgin
looks like and have reconsidered their benefit packages.
Now, that’s some great shit! If anyone else wants to send me stuff to cheer me up, I sure wouldn’t be averse to it!