My friend Kerry, whom I’ve known since freshman year of college (way back when dinosaurs ruled the earth in 1989), asked me what I thought of the death of Michael Jackson. Normally, I wouldn’t give it a thought, to be quite honest with you, because a) he’s a celebrity, and I could give less of a flying rat’s shit, and b) he had absolutely no impact on my life…
Well… OK, that last part is not necessarily true, but before I get into that, I feel I need to mention two more icons who passed on this week: Ed McMahon and Farah Fawcett.
According to Wikipedia, Ed McMahon was a fighter pilot in the Marine Corps serving as a flight instructor and test pilot during World War II. He earned six Air Medals and was discharged in 1946, remaining in the reserves.
After college, Ed McMahon returned to active duty, was sent to Korea in February 1952, and flew unarmed OE-1 Bird Dogs on 85 tactical air control and artillery spotting missions. He remained in the Marine Corps Reserve, retiring with the rank of Colonel in 1966 and was then commissioned as a Brigadier General in the California Air National Guard.
I will always be grateful to Ed McMahon for his courageous service to his country.
Farah Fawcett was one of those women I didn’t even think existed. Coming from the USSR, and having seen Charlie’s Angels for the first time, and not even having understood all of it, because my English still sucked back then, I wondered how this country could have such stunning looking people in it. I have few memories of the USSR, but I seem to remember a lot of women looking like Boris Yeltsin. I thought ALL women were supposed to have hair on their back and humps… heh… just kidding. Seriously, though… to go from a place where everything and everyone is a shade of grey misery to a place where women are strong with white, happy smiles was pretty weird for a kid who was accustomed to nothing but a beaten down populace dragging its feet through a dead end existence day in and day out.
OK, OK… Michael Jackson.
He was one of my first exposures to American pop culture, and as a kid in middle school, I was completely enthralled with him and his brothers! I loved the music. Like all American teeny boppers at the time, my walls were literally PLASTERED with every single picture of Michael Jackson I could cut out of any newspaper and magazine. I knew what time Thriller came on the radio every single night, because the local radio station would run a Top Ten countdown nightly. He was a musical and dance visionary when I was a kid.
Somewhere along the way, things went horribly wrong. He went from a cute, talented kid, to a cute, talented guy with some plastic surgery issues to… OMFG!!! WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT, AND JUST HOW MUCH SUPER GLUE DOES IT TAKE TO KEEP HIS NOSE ATTACHED TO HIS FACE????????
But OK… celebrities are weird. Michael Jackson was EXTRA weird. Creepy weird. But still… he was rich and eccentric. Who am I to judge?
When the allegations of child sexual abuse surfaced, however, he crossed the line from creepy weird, to creepy. Now, I don’t know what happened in that house, and whether or not Michael Jackson was a kiddie diddler. If he was, I hope he burns in hell, and is sodomized with Satan’s razor wire-studded prick the size of a cricket bat on an hourly basis for eternity. But I don’t know. What I DO know is that a grown man cavorting with little boys during sleepovers at his big house is just not cool.
Whom do I blame most?
Yeah, Michael Jackson – if he did it – definitely gets the blame. If he didn’t, he gets the blame for being one weird mofo, because let’s face it, folks – he put himself in a situation where he can be accused by money-grubbing asshole parents.
But most of all, I blame the parents. Let me ask you parents this: If you’re a responsible parent, who loves his or her child, WHY THE BLAZING, FLYING, FESTERING FUCK WOULD YOU ALLOW YOUR CHILD TO SPEND THE NIGHT AT A SINGLE MAN’S MANSION WITHOUT SUPERVISION????????? Because he’s rich? Because he’s famous? Because he has cool toys? Hate to tell you this, but if you allow your little boy to have sleepovers at a guy’s house, who happens to be a good amount older than the child, is single, has a shitload of toys that are age inappropriate for a guy his age, cavorts with a chimp, and plays dress-up, he’s TOO FUCKING WEIRD TO BE PLAYING WITH A LITTLE CHILD UNSUPERVISED!!!! Pardon me, but a monkey would understand this and never put a child in that kind of situation!
Maybe something went on, and maybe nothing did. Maybe it was child molestation, and maybe it was innocent play. But whatever it was, why in blazes would you place your child into that situation in the first place?
So yeah, I blame you parents. You tried to get rich off your kid by placing him in a situation where he could have gotten sexually abused, and there’s absolutely no excuse for you! NONE!
You’re a parent. It’s your job to protect your kid. It’s your job to ensure that your kid avoids situations that could result in harm. I wouldn’t send my son on a tour of whore houses, hoping that nothing happens. So why would you send your son to a weird, single guy’s mansion for a SLEEPOVER unsupervised?
So to recap…
This week’s celebrity death trifecta: Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett and Michael Jackson.
RIP to the first two.
Not sure what to think about the third.