I just read an interesting column by Ben Shapiro on Townhall.com.  I'll tell you this:  I don't agree with everything that is written there.  If I did, I would probably belong to a cult.  And while I find Ben a good writer most days, I find this week's column a bit insulting. 

First of all, let's define the word "elitist," because it plays heavily in Ben's essay.

An elitist is someone who believes in rule by a special group of persons.   Elitism is the belief that certain persons or members of certain classes or groups deserve favored treatment by virtue of their perceived superiority, as in intellect, social status, or financial resources.

The sense of entitlement enjoyed by such a group or class.

Control, rule, or domination by such a group or class.

Personally, I would define it as out of touch with the mainstream.

So am I an elitist?  Let's see.

You’re an elitist if you love Brokeback Mountain, but think that John Wayne movies are jingoistic expressions of outdated American machismo.

I saw Brokeback Mountain.  Hated every minute of it.  It wasn't because I'm somehow disturbed by the thought of two guys falling in love.  I could care less.  I was bored to tears with it.  There's only so much mountain scenery, livestock and dilapidated, dying towns I can look at in one movie without wanting to either vomit in my own mouth or fall asleep.  It was dull.  I find John Wayne movies boring too.  Maybe I'm just not a fan of westerns.

You’re an elitist if you worry that Sarah Palin hunts moose, but aren’t worried that Barack Obama wants to meet personally with dictators.

Not sure why the juxtaposition of the two.  I have no idea what hunting moose has to do with Hugo Chavez, but if it means stunning him with a Tazer, letting him loose in a jungle and hunting him down with poison dart arrows, I'm OK with it.  Does that make me an elitist?

Personally, I think the above makes you ignorant about foreign policy, but elitist?  Not so much.

You’re an elitist if you think Colin Powell was less “authentically black” than Barack Obama until Powell endorsed Obama.

Elitist? Not so much. In my book that makes you racist, but not necessarily elitist.  "Authentic" skin color shouldn't be a criterion for choosing a president.  How many of you would shriek like impaled virgins if someone referred to John McCain as not "authentically white?"

You’re an elitist if you quote the Book of Matthew to justify socialism, cite the Book of John to defend Bill Clinton, write off the Book of Romans as “obscure,” or deride the Old Testament as a collection of antiquated messages about shellfish and animal sacrifices.

So if you're not a Biblical scholar or if you don't subscribe to Judeo-Christian beliefs, you're necessarily an elitist?  Or are you simply a hypocrite, if you write off certain portions of the Bible, while using others to justify hatred, theft and betrayal?

You’re an elitist if you think that President Bush is stupid because he says “nucular,” while Joe Biden is a genius even though he thinks the word “jobs” has three letters.

What if I think both are idiots?  Just curious.

You’re an elitist if you think Joe the Plumber’s income and license status are more important than the question he asked Barack Obama.

Actually, you're an elitist if you think Joe the Plumber's income and license status disqualify him from asking a legitimate question of a Presidential candidate.

You’re an elitist if you think Bill Ayers is just a professor of English.

No, you're an idiot.

And speaking of bigots...

You’re an elitist if you love watching soccer and you’re not a recent immigrant.

Hello, Pot.  Let me introduce you to Kettle.  You both have something in common.

You’re an elitist if you think George Clooney is a great artist.

Having bad taste makes you an elitist?  I see.

You’re an elitist if you think Sean Penn is a great diplomat.

No, you're just a dolt.  I do, however, think Spicoli was a great role.

You’re an elitist if you think Madonna is great at anything.

She's great at self-promotion.  I must be an elitist!

You’re an elitist if you worship John F. Kennedy.

You’re an elitist if you’re excited at the prospect of government intervention in the banking system in the aftermath of the subprime meltdown.

You’re an elitist if you think Nixon/Reagan/Bush was the nation’s worst president but Jimmy Carter is the nation’s best ex-president

No, you're just historically and economically ignorant.  But elitist?  I. Think. Not.

There is a slew of other criteria that compares and contrasts liberal and conservative philosophies, but you can see where I'm going with this.  Most of it is the definition of hypocrisy.  Some if it is just plain stupid.  What you eat, what you enjoy watching on the idiot box and what you read doesn't make you an elitist.  Your taste is your own, and not everyone who doesn't sit on the couch reading the Bible during their every free moment is an elitist.  If you're going to do satire, at least try to be funny.