When I was a kid, I lived in the Soviet Union with my parents. I remember not having access to a lot of things the first world has access to, including toilet paper. We would use cut up newspaper to wipe. I remember sitting on the toilet as a little kid, and mashing up pieces of newspaper in my hands to make it just a bit softer. Because… have you ever tried to wipe with newspaper?

TMI? Probably. But there’s also a point. I remember people would literally squat in alleys, pee on apartment building landings, etc., because what public toilets there were would make even the strongest stomach turn. It wasn’t unusual to walk through the grass in the park and step in human feces. It was disgusting, but what can you do?

There’s definitely no such problem in the United States, as far as I can see. There are copious amounts of public bathrooms that aren’t foul, and porta johns in parks that while not the cleanest in the world, are like hotel bathrooms at the Ritz compared to Soviet shit holes (sans the little tuxedoed dude giving you towels after you wash your hands).

My point is, there’s no excuse for this. None.

Apparently joggers who poop along the path have been an increasing problem for Hampton over the past two years, the city’s Public Works supervisor Scott McKay told NBC station KWQC.

“When the individual does it, it does it right in the lane. It’s not on the center line. It’s not off on the grass,” he said.

The problem has gotten so bad, officials have had to put signs on the bike path asking people not to crap there!


Seriously? What the hell is wrong with people? What makes anyone think it’s acceptable to drop trou in the middle of a bike path, squat, and leave a pile of human droppings where other people jog and bike?

I don’t care if the shrimp and bean burrito feast that you washed down with your PBR the night before all of a sudden decides to peek out of your ass and threaten your $200 UnderArmour jogging tights. Unless your asshole is about to explode painfully leaving a WV sized hole where your rectum used to be, GO USE A PORTA POTTY! And if you have a medical condition that requires you to cop a squat at a moment’s notice, go see a doctor, and ferfuckssake don’t go jogging until you solve your intestinal issues!

It’s a health hazard. It’s disgusting. And it’s apparently becoming more common.

In a supposedly developed nation.

And you wonder why I hate people!

Shooting at Ft. Meade (UPDATED)


Details are sketchy right now, but there was a shooting at the NSA gate at Ft. Meade this morning.

I don’t want to keep updating or fomenting any kind of panic without additional information, so I’ll just post the link and the basics and let the story develop.

FORT MEADE, Md. — One person was killed in a firefight that erupted Monday after a car with two people tried to ram a gate at the Fort Meade, Md., military base near a gate to the National Security Agency, according to preliminary reports cited by two U.S. officials.

The officials said a firefight ensued after the car tried to crash the gate, and at least one of the two people in the car died.


A U.S. law enforcement official told CBS News that officials believe the two people who rammed the gate were men dressed as women.

A federal law enforcement official told CBS News that cocaine and a weapon were found in or near the vehicle.

Just a word about the bolded text, which I find a bit weird. It makes it sound like NSA was attacked by a couple of high transvestites.

I dunno. Weird.

Just one update real quick: CBS News now reports the following:

One of the suspects who was shot in the incident was identified as Kevin Fleming of Baltimore, U.S. law enforcement sources told CBS News. Fleming, who was hospitalized, has a lengthy criminal record including for assault.

So we can stop the speculation about jihadists and Muslim jokes.

UPDATE: Heard on the news this morning that these idiots were in a nearby hotel partying, probably got high and drunk there, and went on a joy ride that ended up at the agency.

Two criminal morons + drugs + car = NSA police making a colander of at least one of them.

Newsflash: We’re stupid!


I’m probably going to piss off a whole lot of you with this post, but you know what? I don’t care. I’m in a mood, so I’ll tell you right now – you’re free to disagree. If I see one post telling me how you’re offended by what I’ve said, and you will no longer read my blog, I’ll tell you to go eat a very large, fat bag of dicks. That’s how much I give a shit.



A few days ago, there was a report about a high school that was holding “Foreign Language Week.” As part of that educational curriculum, the school decided to read the Pledge of Allegiance in foreign languages, including Arabic.

Well, you can imagine the clutching of the pearls, and the shitting of the pants that resulted!

One parent claims the New York State Department of Education has regs that specifically state the Pledge of Allegiance should be read in English.

People who lost loved ones in Afghanistan (where they don’t speak Arabic, but whatever) got upset, as did Jews.

Students Tweeted. Parents screeched.

The result? The entire idea was scrubbed. That means students wouldn’t hear the pledge in Italian, French, Russian, or any other language.

So much for education.

What the hell is the matter with this country? Have we become such a nation of pansies that we can’t even allow learning and education to interfere with our delicate sensibilities? Dog forbid something offends us!

We can’t learn Arabic, because ihaverelativeswhodiedinafghanistan / imjewish / imchristian / thisisamericalearnenglishdammit!

We can’t learn about Islam, because imoffended / imchristian / imjewish / theyattackedourcountry / sendthembackiftheyrefusetointegrateintoourculture.

We certainly can’t learn about the history of Pagans or have anything resembling a pentagram on a school bus, because SATAN!

And in order to ensure that no precious Snowflake feels slighted, we have begun demanding the infantilization of our adult populations… “safe spaces,” so no one’s experiences are invalidated – even if those experiences involve Twitter Trauma and imaginary slights stemming from society’s lack of sensitivity toward treasured punkins who are just not capable of adapting to the cruel world that won’t give them the pony they’re entitled to!

Oh ferfuckssake!

Believe it or not, Islam is part of this world’s history, and Arabic is actually a language spoken by millions of people.

Banning the knowledge of its existence or exposure to it from American classrooms makes your kids sub-educated and ignorant. Is it any wonder most high school students can’t point out Sudan on a map?

Reciting the pledge in a different language, doesn’t mean you eschew English in America’s classrooms. It’s a way to expose your precious snowflakes to other languages and cultures. No matter what language you use to recite the pledge, you’re still pledging allegiance to America – to that nation that you all purport to love, but insist on keeping in the bowels of ignorance.

And by the way… the pledge – that bunch of words you all claim to hold so dear – you probably don’t know this, but it was composed by Francis Bellamy, a Christian socialist *GASP*!

The original pledge read as follows, until 1954 when Congress added the words “under God” to it: I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands, one Nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Why don’t you boneheads focus on learning about the world around you? Explore various languages and religions. Learn history – because believe it or not, religion is a huge part of history. Education is not indoctrination, and if you fear exposing your child to new ideas, because they might *GASP!* change their faith or become curious about other cultures, generally means your own faith in both your religion and your child isn’t too strong.

Frankly, I don’t give a damn what language you recite the Pledge in – as long as you mean it. As long as your love and your allegiance to the ideals of this country are real. No, that doesn’t mean I think you should recite a pledge of allegiance to your government, or to the idiot politicians sitting around slowly grinding the gears of this nation to a halt. You should recite it as a commitment to the ideals on which this nation was built: courage, self sufficiency, individual freedoms, limited government, limitless opportunities, and the ability to achieve and succeed by your own efforts, intellect, and commitment.

Everything else… get real!

You haven’t stopped any indoctrination by getting the idea tossed out of your high school. You’ve simply prevented them from learning.


Azealia Banks now embarrassing herself


As if her “music” wasn’t embarrassing enough, Azealia Banks is apparently tweeting photos of her twat to men on the Internet. That’s what I call “heading full speed toward rock bottom.”

The Washington Times reports Rapper Azealia Banks on Saturday reportedly tweeted a close-up photograph of what she claims to be her “minge” (that’s dipshit speak (British slang) for genitals) to blogger Matt Walsh and conservative radio host Wayne DuPree after they criticized her for declaring her hatred for “fat white Americans” during a recent Playboy interview.

I guess flashing her oozing, overused sprout at strangers is just part of her stale act. When one is so desperate for attention, it’s likely because their five minutes of fame are up.

Your list of demands is under advisement… in the circular file


The latest absurdity in this whole race relations debacle fomented by Eric Holder and his politicized Justice Department is the list of demands the Black Student Union at none other than UC Berkeley has presented to the university. This is so stupid it cannot possibly be taken seriously, but it’s Berkeley, so the Chancellor has taken the list “under advisement.”

William La Jeunesse reported on “America’s Newsroom” that the black student union wants a building renamed after Shakur, a former Black Panther and the first woman on the FBI’s list of Most Wanted Terrorists.

Shakur, who was convicted of killing New Jersey State Trooper Werner Foerster, escaped from prison in the 1970s and has been hiding out in Cuba ever since. In 2013, the FBI designated her a terrorist and is offering a $2 million reward for information that would lead to her capture.  

But the black student union at UC Berkeley calls her an “icon of resistance within oppressed communities,”  La Jeunesse reported.

“We want the renaming of it to someone, Assata Shakur, who we feel like represents us as black students,” Cori McGowens, a junior at UC Berkeley said.

In addition to demanding the building be renamed, the students also demanded that the university hire two black admissions officers, two black psychologists experienced in racial discrimination, two black advisers to recruit and mentor black students and create an African American student resource center, La Jeunesse said.

You ever see a dog when it’s really confused, so it sort of cocks its head to one side and looks at you like you’ve just presented it with a Bitcoin algorithm to solve?

That was me when I read this retardery.

Apparently black students at Berkeley feel all marginalized, excluded, and ignored. Interesting that this is ostensibly going on in a liberal utopia intent on instilling in its students a sense of social justice that’s so profound, its social justice symposiums include gems such as a workshop that “…will present a herstory of the #BlackLivesMatter move­ment and will highlight the organizing being done at UC Berkeley’s cam­pus, across the bay area, and nationwide. We will focus on the framework and hxstory of #BlackLivesMatter, the context of Ferguson, as well as the national surge in organizing around the non-indictments of the officers that murdered Mike Brown and Eric Garner. Additionally we will explore how movement leaders are centering the work on queer and trans* narratives, experiences, and leadership. Lastly, we aim to address horizontal allyship and how that has played out in organizing spaces within the movement.” — Presented by a male scholar by the name of David Turner (who probably is feeling all sorts of guilt about being the owner of a penis, and if he had the guts, would likely snip that puppy off with a pair of rusty pliers just to punish himself with pain for being a privileged oppressor).

But I digress…

Black students in this socially tolerant utopia are apparently feeling marginalized, and their response is to demand that a building be named after a…


A terrorist who escaped prison after committing an act of murder. Joanne Chesimard, (aka Assata Shakur) a member of the radical Black Liberation Army, shot and killed New Jersey State Trooper Werner Foerster execution-style in 1973, after she and two others were pulled over for a routine traffic stop. She just pulled out her pistol and shot the officer, and then finished the job with his own pistol by administering two rounds to the officer’s head.

Nice lady.

And apparently, this is what black students at Berkeley identify with. This violent terrorist is what represents the black student population at Berkeley, by their own admission.

Now, if you’re feeling marginalized and ignored, one would think you would want to do something positive to bring attention to your perceived plight. If you are feeling like you’re isolated, one would think you would want to integrate into the community in a positive manner.

And yet, these students aren’t just demanding that a building be named after a murderous terrorist, but I would submit their demands will actually further segregate and isolate them from the general community at Berkeley! Black advisors. Black psychologists. A resource center for African Americans. Instead of integrating, it seems they want to create a whole separate black Berkeley!

Segregation is so last century!

I would hope that the chancellor simply deposited that pile of excrement where it belongs, but again… it’s Berkley.

Most. Transparent. Administration. EVAH.


Now, if you read that title, you pretty much know what’s coming next. The. Exact. Opposite.

For the second consecutive year, the Obama administration more often than ever censored government files or outright denied access to them under the U.S. Freedom of Information Act, according to a new analysis of federal data by The Associated Press.

The government took longer to turn over files when it provided any, said more regularly that it couldn’t find documents, and refused a record number of times to turn over files quickly that might be especially newsworthy.

It also acknowledged in nearly 1 in 3 cases that its initial decisions to withhold or censor records were improper under the law — but only when it was challenged.

Translation: We are your government. We will take our own sweet ass time showing you what we’re doing, because we hope that you’ll just get sick and tired of waiting, and when we do finally respond to your FOIA request, it will either be redacted beyond comprehension or outright denied.

Because fuck you.

Oh, I’m sorry. Or was it: We just don’t have enough resources to keep up with all the FOIA requests, so we’re just denying them outright, because we don’t have the manpower to pay the overtime, but if you allow us to raise taxes and hire more bureaucrats, we will give you information that you’re entitled to from the government which you put in power and which is funded by your tax dollars.

But no. Really. This administration has “a lot to be proud of,” says White House spokeshole Josh Earnest, who contrary to his last name is anything but.

As a matter of fact, the White House has formally exempted its Office of Administration from FOIA regulations, effectively barring citizens from requesting information about their government. To be fair, the Office of Administration pretty much stopped responding to FOIA requests under Bush, but the Obama Administration has made those refusals official and legal.

So much for transparency.

The Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington (CREW) sued the office after being denied access to documents it had requested to obtain details about a slew of emails that had gone missing from White House servers.  

After a lengthy appeal, the court upheld the ruling that the Office of Administration, which advises and assists the president, is not an “agency” as defined by the FOIA.

Since it only “performs only operational and administrative tasks in support of the president and his staff,” the court ruled in 2009, “under our precedent, [the Office of Administration] lacks substantial independent authority.”

Most. Transparent. Administration. Ever.


Someone buy this racist knob gobbler a one way ticket out of the country she so hates!


So I have no idea who this Azealia Banks is. Frankly, I’m not up on pop culture, so this is the first time I’ve ever seen her name in print. Here’s what I do know.

She’s apparently a rapper.

She looks like the byproduct of unfortunate and sloppy anal sex session between Beetlegeuse and Iggy Pop.

beetlejuice 074184-rounded-glossy-black-icon-alphanumeric-plus-sign-simple   a99_Iggy

13683094801441475873equal_sign2-78-hi Azealia-Banks-AP-640x480


And she recently gave an interview with Playboy, telling the magazine that she hates the United States, and specifically “racist conservative white people” and “fat white Americans.”

“Do you want to leave the U.S.?” asked Playboy?

Yes! I hate everything about this country. Like, I hate fat white Americans. All the people who are crunched into the middle of America, the real fat and meat of America, are these racist conservative white people who live on their farms. Those little teenage girls who work at Kmart and have a racist grandma—that’s really America.


The same America that elected a black president. Twice.

The same America where black economists like Thomas Sowell and Walter Williams, black celebrities like Oprah Winfrey, successful CEOs like Kenneth Frasier and Ursula Burns, military leaders such as Colin Powell, scholars and foreign policy experts like Condi Rice, and actors such as Denzel Washington and Morgan Freeman continue to make history?

That America?

She hates farmers who provide the food that nourishes her ass. She hates teenage girls who are working in a store she obviously would not deign to patronize, because KMART! Dog forbid someone actually works for a living instead of puking forth barely literate cockspew and spreading their legs! She hates middle America, because they’re white, and apparently fat, according to her standards.

This dumb cocksplurt read the word “misogynoir” somewhere and has decided to claim it as the slight du jour as justification for her hatred. Because she’s black, and she’s female, and therefore SHUT UP, RACIST! 

Yeah, OK, fuckwit.

The same America you claim to despise buys the cretinous spew you claim is music, which – if these lyrics are any indication – was written while in a meth haze while being sodomized by a rabid orangutan.

I take your brain to another dimension
I take your brain in a parallel universe trip
I’m the only no parallel bitch
Things running and shit, maneuvered in deep
Then I murder you and you spit
Get your little outdated frozen a hip
On the word click click
How much is for this clip
Blast it off last ‘er, you might be stuck on this dick
Look at this bitch, tick tick
What you do, wanna get hit hit
Four fifth move quick, four fifth’s in the whip
What dimension is this

That same America made you famous, and got you that spread in Playboy, so you can swing your udders and undulate your moldy meat curtains.

That same America gives you the freedom to capitalize on that felched up vomit you call talent.

That same America protects your right to be a bloated, greasy cuntmange and spew your hatred with impunity on the pages of a magazine that shows off your overly made-up, bloated cock hole.

You hate racists? Look in the mirror, you shitslurping twunt. But get some eye bleach ready, because once you emerge from that Peruvian powder-laced vat of delusion in which you live, you may not like what you see.

And by the way, since this is a free country, you’re free to take your giggling saddle bags somewhere else, you fetid fuckbadger.


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